Anyway my plan was to celebrate the involvement of Unreason resident George Washington in the war. Obviously not THE George Washington, but OUR George Washington, a local accountant who never left the village for the duration of the war and who died in 1815 following a bizarre gardening accident. I have high hopes for attracting confused Americans who might end up here rather than Virginia.
One must remember the watchword of museum display is AUTHENTICITY. Once you have managed to fake that convincingly then the exhibition possibilities are endless.
This brings me to the nub of this week's blog. Why is American English different from English English. Clearly we English invented the language (by way of the Romans, Germans, Celts, Indians etc. but we don't let that get in the way of this arrogant assumption). The Americans respond by observing that their accent and words are more authentic to the way English was spoken in the Seventeenth and Eighteenth Centuries (awesome dudes!).
Academics spout well researched nonsense on the subject and bigots spout emotional nonsense in blog comments sections on the subject. BUT, I will give you the truth and it relates directly to the outbreak of the War of 1812. I discovered an AUTHENTIC diary by the Earl of Oxford giving a blow by blow account of the World Scrabble Championships of 1812.
The final that year was between the Earl of Oxford of Britain and Noah Webster of the USA. It was hoped that this would cement cordial relationships following the unfortunate kerfuffle between the two nations at the end of the previous century. Instead it led to war.
A tight match was characterised by excessive cheating by the American, and entirely reasonable re-interpretation of the rules by the Earl of Oxford (because an Englishman never cheats).
Relations began to sour in round 5 when the Earl of Oxford used autumn for 8 points getting to a double word score for 16 points. He described it as the season between summer and winter. Webster objected to the use of the word as 'fall' was the accepted English term for the season. Also it was just a misspelled French word and therefore against the rules. Oxford said it was old English autumpne and as the England was the older country anyway he should allowed to use it.
Round 6 saw Oxford looking to get rid of a spare 'u' put down the word 'colour'. Webster said it was a misspelling. The Earl asked Webster to prove it. Webster asked for a dictionary, at which point the Earl produced the 'Oxford English Dictionary'. Webster objected that it was handwritten on the back of a restaurant menu, but had to admit that the twelve words on the pamphlet included colour, flavour and saviour.
Relations began to break down further in round 7 when Webster went for a 29 point scoring sympathize Oxford objected to the 'z',
"But we always spell it that way - oh and by the way it's pronounced zee" was the unreasonable reply.
"Show me", said the Earl. At which point 'Webster's Dictionary' was produced.
"But it's the 'Oxford English Dictionary' with the words 'Oxford English' crossed out and the word 'Webster' added and where have all the 'z's come from...and where have all the 'u''s gone?"
"Revised and Updated Edition" was the only reply he received.
Round 8 was the last straw. The Earl needed to get a triple word score to win and put down aluminium. Webster exploded.
"It's aluminum! You've slipped that extra 'i' just to get to the triple'"
"I think if you refer the Oxford English Dictionary Revised Updated and Improved Edition, you will find the correct spelling."
"That's even more blatant cheating than I've managed!!!" Noah exclaimed
"No-one calls an Englishman a cheat and gets away with it! This means war!" was the Earl's understandably appropriate reaction.
Thus the modern world was born and American's and the British have been at loggerheads over their shared language ever since. Although in the end Webster had the last laugh. He got his dictionary properly printed in 1828 but the Earl of Oxford did not live to see his dictionary produced in 1895 (the senile old man had made a point of being buried in an aluminium coffin).
The full story can be found at the Museum of Unreason temporary exhibition space until November 2014. On display will be:
- The original plastic scrabble pieces from the game.
- The Earl of Oxford's diary.
- The first handwritten Oxford and Webster dictionaries,
- and George Washington's lawnmower.
The themes on the interpretive panels will:
- explain how all foreigners are cheats
- how all Englishmen are not cheats just misunderstood.
- the importance of George Washington to American gardening (with particular reference to the severe pruning of trees)
See you in Unreason soon.
