Yet More Museum Motivational Quotes

Such was the astonishing lack of reaction to my first set of quotes to inspire you in 2014, I thought I would do it again. It's too easy to repeat a blog on the same topic I hear you cry. Guilty as charged, but I call the BBC, ITV, Sky, etc. as my fellow defendants in the dock. In the true spirit of sequels the quotes are more of the same - just not as good. Regard this as the Jaws 2 of motivational quotes and you will derive enough innocent pleasure to make reading it worthwhile, whilst at the same time saying 'the first one was better'. Mind you, Godfather 2 was better than the original... and Toy Story 2, but they are exceptions to the rule ... oh and Aliens as well. But at least Godfather 3 was rubbish as were the rest of the Alien films - and what about Toy Story 3, I was in floods of tears and permanently drunk the week after. Now, where was I? Ah yes - more quotes:

1. "Cherish your visions and your dreams as they are the children of your museum, the blueprints of your exhibitions." Napoleon Hill


2. "The key to success is to focus the museum on things the audience desires not things they fear." Brian Tracy


3. "Success is getting what you want for your museum. Happiness is wanting what you get for your museum." Dale Carnegie


4. "Objects are necessary for success because in museums, as in all displays of importance, victory comes only after many struggles with display cases and countless labels." Og Mandino


5. "A real museum decision is measured by the fact that you've taken a new action. If there's no action, you haven't truly decided." Tony Robbins


6. "If you can't control your anger, you are as helpless as a museum without displays wanting to be visited." The Book of Proverbs


7. A mediocre museum tells. A good museum explains. A superior museum demonstrates. A great museum inspires others to see for themselves." Harvey Mackay


8. "Education delivery, accreditation standards, accessioning, must constantly be exercised, even at the risk of inconvenience." Jack Vance


9. "Take care of your museum. It's the only place you have to work." Jim Rohn


10. "You can have everything out of museum work you want, if you will just help visitors get what they want." Zig Ziglar


11. "The number of times I succeeded in writing the perfect label was in direct proportion to the number of times I failed but kept on writing." Tom Hopkins


12. "If you have every object you want, you need to build something far bigger than your current stores." Seth Godin

Yet again joyfully borrowed and amended from Inc. Magazine. Read the actual quotes here http://www.inc.com/geoffrey-james/12-great-motivational-quotes-for-2013.html

Leadersheep - the sheep bleat back

In light of the Mayan prophesy predicting the end of the world last night, Mr. Unreasoning has taken some leave to spend his last moments on earth with his Russian girlfriend (having thoughtfully taken a packet of aspirins for her sick grandmother).  His cryptic note left on the reception desk read, 'goodbye and don't look in the skip' has enabled us to find the missing accessioning backlog.

Assuming that he will now return our idea is to give him a Christmas present that may make our life more bearable in 2013 and use this blog to do that.  It hasn't taken us long to crack his password, given that his idea of security is to leave the light on when we're closed. If you want to add to the blog yourselves the password was written on a Post It note stuck to the front of his computer called SHOPPING LIST.

So here it is - a good leader's top 10

1. A thank you

As Alex Ferguson has just told the Harvard Business School,

"For a player – and for any human being – there is nothing better than hearing ‘well done’. Those are the two best words ever invented in sport.”

This applies to anyone from millionaire sportsmen to millionaire museum staff and all millionaires in between.

2. Direction

Don't tell us what to do - we know that. Tell us why we're doing it. How does our small contribution fits into the overall picture. It would really help if this direction was a clear vision - or in our case any vision at all would help.

3. Help us change

If you want us to do something new, tell us why - if we can see it will improve things then we'll buy into it

If you want us to do something new, how about some training and support? 

If you want us to do something new, give us time to get use to it.

If you want us to do something new, don't give up on us if we still don't get it and go back to the old ways - that really pisses us off.

If you want us to do something new, complete the first change before you start the next one.

4. Prioritise

Do it now! That's fine if it is a single important job - not if its everything you do. Give us the priorities we'll work out the timescales and resources.

5. Fun

We work in a life affirming sector dealing with visitors who are enjoying cultural social activities. Why not have fun doing it? When was the last time 'fun' was part of management thinking? Surprise surprise happy staff are more productive staff, are less ill and give a much more positive impression to customers. The 'happy museum' should not just be a nice idea but a core value, yet so often management sucks the life out of our work.

6. Support us to become a team

This may be a shock to management, but we all are trying our best for the benefit of the organisation - we might do it differently, we might do it at different speeds, we might do it in a different order (see 4) - but we are doing it. Recognise that, and work with us to blend our strengths into a real team. You could start by remembering our names.

7. Be part of the team

Do you ask us to do unpaid overtime? Do you ask us to work late regularly? Do you refuse leave at busy times of the year? Do you do the same? When reception is overrun with 5 year old school children  - where are you? When there is an angry customer - where are you? When it's your round at the bar - where are you? If you are with us then we are with you.

8. Admit your mistakes

You are our leader, but you are not perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. If you do so, then admit it say sorry and we move on having learned our lessons. It applies to all human activity, a museum manager is not exempt. Mistakes are allowable, but not repeatable. If a manager does not admit to them then he/she is bound to repeat them.

9. Stay calm

We need a cool head in times of crisis. Stay calm, analyse the situation and then be decisive. Do not shout and look for people to blame - you are just making the situation worse. We all make mistakes (see 8). 

Finally

10. Install a tanning bed

We started with Alex Ferguson and so we shall end with him. To cope with the lack of vitamin D for those living in northern climes he has installed two tanning beds at the Manchester United training ground. Given our position just north/south of Yorkshire, it would shout volumes for staff care if our curator could pop himself on a tanning bed for 10 minutes after a hard day's accessioning. 

And thus sheep might turn into lions

A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all managers and leaders for an enlightened 2013

New Year's Resolution: Clear that backlog

Happy New Year dear reader.

After a Christmas break watching reviews of the year which singularly failed to mention the museum crisis in this country I began thinking about starting 2012 off as positively as possible given that the world is apparently guaranteed to end on 21st December 2012. This gives plenty of time for the conscientious museum professional to meet his or her maker with their museum meeting current accreditation standards.

So here is my to do list.

1. CLEAR THE ACCESSIONING BACKLOG ONCE AND FOR ALL. I can't allow everything to be destroyed in a global apocalypse without being properly recorded.
2. I realise I am unable create the time to do it myself, so I will apply for small grant funding to employ part time staff to clear the backlog.
3. In the current circumstances money is thin on the ground so I will instead recruit new volunteers and train them up to do it.
4. I don't have time to train volunteers myself. So I will recruit fully trained registrars as volunteers thereby cynically using the glut of recently unemployed museum professionals.
5. All unemployed registrars will still want paying and have already set themselves up as consultants so I will create four backlog clearance timetables based upon objectives 1-4.
6. I don't have time to create four timetables, so I will simply re-write the collections management strategy to reflect the available resources to clear the backlog.
7. Sod it - I'll just call it all a 'handling collection'.
8. Bugger - objections from the Education Manager means I will ethically dispose of the backlog, or failing that sell the stuff on ebay.
9. Bollocks - museums don't want to increase their collections and the trustees don't want to be seen to be selling their stuff.
10. Hire a skip and hope nobody notices before 21st December.

Happy New Year

We Work Hard for the Money

A barrister, a doctor and a museum curator were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress.

The barrister says: "Certainly a mistress is better. If you have a wife and want a divorce, there are a number of complex legal problems to resolve and it will probably be very expensive."

The doctor says: "It's better to have a wife because the sense of security and wellbeing lowers your stress and your blood pressure and is good for your health."

The museum curator says: "You're both wrong. It's best to have both so that when your wife thinks you're with your mistress, and your mistress thinks you're with your wife -- you can go to the museum and accession some more objects.