Sunday, 29 March 2015

A Museum Manager's Ten Commandments

In an effort to improve museum discipline and encourage an increase in respect for me and my role as museum manager I put the following on the staff noticeboard (similarities to any similar commandments are entirely coincidental). 



I am the museum manager your God, who brought you out of amateur collecting and out of the land of attics, garages and car boot sales. You shall obey the following commandments.

1. You shall have no other museum manager other than me.

2. You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything resembling bare buttocks on a photocopier. You shall not put them on the internet or attach them to the staff room noticeboard; for I, the Lord your manager, am a jealous manager, punishing the volunteers for their sin.

3. You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your manager, for the manager will not hold anyone guiltless who calls him Adolf.

4. Remember the Sabbath day is the busiest museum visiting day of the week. Most days you shall labour and do a bit of work, but every day is a sabbath to the museum manager. On it he shall not do any work, whether you, your son or daughter, or your male or female servant, or your animals, or any foreigner doth visit the museum.

5. Honour your father and your mother, so that you may subsidise your minimum wage the Lord your museum manager is giving you.

6. You shall not murder the museum manager.

7. You shall not commit adultery unless the museum manager can wan watch.

8. You shall not steal from the 'tea club' in the staff room.

9. You shall not give false testimony against your museum manager.

10. You shall not covet your manager’s house. You shall not covet your manager’s wife (if he ever gets one), or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that the manager possesses that may once have been part of the museum collections.



N.B. Edith its your turn to buy the biscuits this week - chocolate hobnobs preferred.




Sunday, 22 March 2015

Great Quotes from Museum Novels

Following the success of my previous blog speculating as to what great movie quotes would be like if the films were set in museums, I have decided to do a sequel of sorts.

What would the opening lines be of great novels if they had been set in museums?

 “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single curator in possession of a good collection, must be in want of a life.” Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

"All museums are alike; each museum is engaging in its own way." Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy

"It is the best of museums, it is the worst of museums, it is the museum of wisdom, it is the museum of foolishness, it is the museum of belief, it is the museum of incredulity, it is the museum of Light, it is the museum of Darkness, it is the museum of hope, it is the museum of despair, so began the museum manager's latest vision statement." A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens

‘It was a bright cold day at the British Horological Institute, and the clocks in need of conservation were striking thirteen.’ 1984 by George Orwell

"Where now? Who now? When now? The registrar murmured to herself over the museum's latest acquisition" The Unnamable by Samuel Becket

"The museum is a foreign country: they do things differently there." The Go-Between by L.P.Hartley

“As Gregor Samsa arrived at work one morning after uneasy dreams he found himself confronted in his costume store by a monstrous vermin.” Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka

"All children, except ones that go on to work in museums, grow up." Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie

"Under certain circumstance there are few hours in life more agreeable than the hour dedicated to the ceremony known as object accessioning." The Portrait of a Lady by Henry James

"The Museum Manager was drunk. He was eloquently drunk, lovingly and pugnaciously drunk." Elmer Gantry by Sinclair Lewis


Saturday, 14 March 2015

Can Cricket Captaincy Help With Museum Leadership?

For those who enjoy the gentler, slower, more somnolent things in life, the Cricket World Cup is currently underway in Australia and New Zealand. Obviously this is the game of choice for museum professionals. The Archbishop of Caterbury, William Temple knew the truth,

"Personally I have always looked upon cricket as organised loafing."

Could this be the reason I entered the profession?

For our American cousins, Robin Williams memorably described cricket as baseball on valium. I have never seen a game of baseball but it must be unbearably exciting.

When I was younger a game of cricket and a trip to a museum were similar - they both seemed to last forever and not much happened. A metaphor for my life in many ways. In recent years both museums and cricket have made valiant attempts to reinvent themselves to make themselves more attractive to younger and broader audiences. I don't yet see any evidence of cricket using museums for inspiration, but can we in the museum sector look to cricket for leadership tips?

Unceasing in my desire to enlighten you in the ways of museum management I have researched the wisdom of cricket captains to see if we can learn from the cerebral giants of the game such as Richie Benaud and Mike Brearley as well as the 'deeds not words' individuals such as Ian Botham.

Let's start with a quote from current England cricket coach, Peter Moores after his team's elimination from this world cup in the early stages,

"We'll have to look at the data." 

If your museum event has made a loss that has jeopardised the entire future of the organisation, liberally use this quote to sidestep taking the blame for poor decision making, selection policies and tactics. And like Peter Moores you will still be in a job. Anyway, enough of my bitterness and anger and move on to more positive matters.

What was Ian Botham's management style. Here is an earlier captain's (Ray Illingworth) perspective,

"Botham's idea of team spirit and motivation was to squirt a water pistol at someone and then go and get pissed." 

Most museum managers already slavishly follow the second part of the Botham manifesto, but I would think carefully before implementing the first part - particularly if you happen to be the curator of the nation's collection of Turner watercolours.

How about something a little more inspiring. The Maharaja Jam Sahib of Nawanagar, better known as Ranjitsinhji, played cricket for England at the end of the Nineteenth Century. A undoubtedly great batsman, the great cricket writer Neville Cardus described him as, "the Midsummer Night's Dream of cricket", I wouldn't mind my epitaph to be 'Here lies Frank Rason the Midsummer Night's Dream of museums'. Rather than the 'permanent nightmare' that I overheard my volunteers describe me in the tea room last week. Anyway Ranjitsinhji as both a cricket captain and ruler of an Indian princely state must have some insight.

"To treat a man as an automaton is the best way to make him one, and an automaton is precisely what is not required as a cricketer."

This should, and must, be applied to museum staff and volunteer management. We need museums to be full of life, character and stories. Leave automata to the Museum of Auotmata in York, encourage individuality and ideas and reap the rewards.

Revered Australian captain Richie Benaud had a realistic perspective on leadership,

"Captaincy is 10% skill and 90% luck, but don't try it without the 10%." 

This echoes Napoleon's,

"I know he is a good general, but is he lucky?"

You must have ability to succeed, but don't punish yourself too much if things go wrong, luck will always play its part. That's why I go to work with my four leaf clover, rabbit's foot and horseshoe.
For those of you are really concerned, consider broader cultural lucky charms (I understand in the USA you can buy lucky charms in packets - how simple is that? Do you know how difficult it is to chase a rabbit across a field with a meat cleaver?).

Apparently dolphins, pigs and turtles bring luck.  But the most symbolic animal for this blog is the cricket, a live one alerts when danger is near - keep one in your desk to warn when the chair of trustees enters the building - anyway I digress again.


I'll leave the last word with cricket captain and philosopher Mike Brearley,

"Cricket more than any other sport helps a person work through the experience of loss by virtue of forcing its participants to come to terms with symbolic deaths on a daily basis."

We in museums, who are preserving the past become acutely aware of the passage of time and our own fleeting mortality. We face death on a daily basis and that makes us strive to make people's lives richer and, more importantly, preserve the best of human existence for generations to come.

We may not be immortal but our profession is.








Friday, 6 March 2015

Great Quotes from Museum Movies

Counterfactual history is a great party game when you've run out of other party games. What if Adolf Hitler was the lead singer of U2? What if World War Three had started before World War Two? Etc.Etc.

But what if all the great films in history had been set in museums, how different would those famous quotes be? Can you guess the original film?



1."All those moments will be displayed in cabinets… like tears in rain"




2."Bond. Paraloid B-72 Bond"




3."A curator's best friend is his mother"




4."BT phone loan"




5."Fasten your tamper free museum case fastenings, it's going to be a bumpy night!"




6."Frankly, my dear, I don't give object valuations!"




7."Get busy accessioning, or get busy dying"




8."Go ahead, make my display"




9."Here's another nice museum cafe you've gotten me into"




10."He's not the museum manager. He's a very naughty boy"




11."I conserve dead people"




12."I will look for you, I will find you, and I will update the object movement record for you"




13."If you build it, visitors will come"




14."In Switzerland they had brotherly love – and 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The Swiss National Museum"




15."It was the museum pest trap that killed the beast."




16."Museums are like a box of chocolates, Forrest. You never know what you're gonna get."




17."That exhibition was the most fun I've ever had without laughing."




18."I'm gonna make him an object he can't ethically dispose of."




19."I coulda had a class. I coulda been a University lecturer. I coulda been somebody, instead of a museum freelance educator, which is what I am, let's face it."




20."Hey, don't knock conservation. It's sex with something I love."




21."Open the museum doors, please, HAL"




22."Infamy, infamy, the Key Stage 3 kids've all got it in for me!"




23."Well, what if there is no tomorrow? It's just a typical day in a museum."





1.   Bladerunner
2.   Dr. No
3.   Psycho
4.   E.T.
5.   All About Eve
6.   Gone With The Wind
7.   Shawshank Redemption
8.   Sudden Impact
9.   The Laurel-Hardy Murder Case (1st use)
10. Life of Brian
11. The Sixth Sense
12. Taken
13. Field of Dreams
14. The Third Man
15. King Kong
16. Forrest Gump
17. Annie Hall
18. The Godfather
19. On the Waterfront
20. Annie Hall (again)
21. 2001 A Space Odyssey
22. Carry of Clio
23. Groundhog Day








Monday, 2 March 2015

Gnomic Aphorisms and other Garden Sculptures

According to T.S. Eliot April is the cruelest month, mixing memory and desire - cruel indeed. But what does that make March? In the museum world March is the hectic pre-season preparation time. If T.S. Eliot's Wasteland was about museums it might have begun thus

April is the cruelest month breeding
Visitors out the dead March, mixing 
Fear and anticipation, stirring
Dull dull roots with spring events


So Easter is imminent and the great British public will soon be flooding through our doors in their tens. This means, although I'm fooling myself everything is copacetic, I don't actually have time to nurture a new blog from my great intellect. Instead I thought I would share my various gnomic thoughts and aphorisms that regularly clogs up my twitter feed. Great wisdom can be found here, feel free to let them inspire you to greatness.


The museum world as we've created it is a process of our thinking. It can’t be changed without changing our thinking


A mediocre museum tells. A good museum explains. A superior museum demonstrates. A great museum inspires others to see for themselves.


There is no such thing as dull exhibition subjects, just dull exhibitions


The art of a great interpretation panel? Write as little as possible but make it seem as much as possible


The best and most successful museum exhibitions cannot only be seen and touched - they must be felt with the heart.


Museums should be to the mind what exercise is to the body


Nothing ever invented provides such sustenance, such infinite reward for time spent, as a great museum exhibition



The museum world is changing very fast. Big will not beat small anymore. It will be the fast beating the slow


Museum success isn't based on the ability to change. It's the ability to change faster than the competition & visitors


Closing museums gives us silence when we need speech. It closes our ears when we need to listen. It makes us blind when we need sight.




A bounteous and fruitful 2015 visitor season to all my museum readers