I have felt compelled to break from my usual blogs about the ongoing challenge of managing a modern museum to reflect on disturbing news emanating from the heart of England.
The good burghers of Leicester have recently vandalised a perfectly good car park to find a 500 year old suspect in double child murder case known as Richard III (or known in gangland circles as Triple Dickie). Not so much a cold case as an ice box. What are they going to do? Find the skeleton guilty and sentence him to permanent display in the Galleries of Justice in Nottingham?
This could be put down to an aberration, but then I discover that the wayward citizens of Northampton are busily destroying their car park heritage to find a castle. A castle! A building for which there is no practical use and will be a drain on the local economy. The exact opposite of a car park. What has Leicester started?
Next thing you know Lincoln will be knocking down a perfectly good multi storey car park to put up a new museum unimaginatively called 'The Collection' or something. Oh no, they've already done that.
What is it with the East Midlands? Don't they realise they are merely a region you go through in order to get to somewhere else. Will they attract more visitors by emphasising their violent and murderous past, or have more places to park? I think the answer is obvious.
Lets start a Save our East Midlands Car Parks campaign. In this country we only want to save our heritage when it is under threat. Lets act now before they are all gone. Already they are becoming much more expensive to use- soon we'll stop using them and then there's nothing to stop heritage vandals from putting useless castles in their place.
Act Now! Start a passive resistance campaign. Go shopping in Derby this weekend-by car. The future is in your hands.
You have been warned.
Saturday 27 October 2012
Friday 19 October 2012
The Armstrong Defence for Museum Management
You may be wondering at my lack of communication recently.
My last couple of blogs outlining my top tips for museum management resulted in a somewhat unexpected round of grievance cases, resignations and a generous amount of time given to me to tend my garden. Suitably rested and having encouraged an amazing collection of thistles, dandelions and nettles I'm back.
However, this break enabled me to enjoy the 'Great Summer of Sport'. I now know the Olympic Games happened in somewhere called Lundin; Andy Murray became a Great British tennis player rather than a Scottish loser, and some bloke rode his pushbike around France and all he won was a lousy yellow t-shirt.
After becoming a cycling enthusiast, I then discover that lots of pushbike riders claimed to have taken drugs to help them ride better. This seems ludicrous. I once tried to ride home from the Dog and Duck with 10 pints of lager inside me - as a result I spent the night in a ditch and now have a permanent limp. Thus Lance Armstrong must be telling the truth and he is surely an inspiration to us all in his stance when all evidence points to his guilt.
So here are three tips for the 'Lance Armstrong Defence' to be used in disciplinary hearings but can be useful for museums in general.
1. Refuse to mount a defence and walk out on the witch hunt.
Museums could learn from this advocacy method in response to public sector cuts. Ignore the loss of income and keep spending. What can the funders do? Sell the collection? No wait....
2. Despite being tested over 500 times I never displayed any signs of positive management.
Museums should avoid positive management at all costs, because if its discovered just once assumptions will be that it could have been done all the time - reputations would be ruined overnight
3. All the eyewitness testimony is biased, because the witnesses are all bitter alcoholics and prostitutes.
A catch all description for any critic of the museum. If said with a vehement conviction whilst foaming at the mouth if nothing else this will buy you time and medical attention.
If you use these defences relentlessly and with gusto it will take the authorities at least 10 years to prove your guilt by which time they would have closed the museum anyway.
Good luck!
My last couple of blogs outlining my top tips for museum management resulted in a somewhat unexpected round of grievance cases, resignations and a generous amount of time given to me to tend my garden. Suitably rested and having encouraged an amazing collection of thistles, dandelions and nettles I'm back.
However, this break enabled me to enjoy the 'Great Summer of Sport'. I now know the Olympic Games happened in somewhere called Lundin; Andy Murray became a Great British tennis player rather than a Scottish loser, and some bloke rode his pushbike around France and all he won was a lousy yellow t-shirt.
After becoming a cycling enthusiast, I then discover that lots of pushbike riders claimed to have taken drugs to help them ride better. This seems ludicrous. I once tried to ride home from the Dog and Duck with 10 pints of lager inside me - as a result I spent the night in a ditch and now have a permanent limp. Thus Lance Armstrong must be telling the truth and he is surely an inspiration to us all in his stance when all evidence points to his guilt.
So here are three tips for the 'Lance Armstrong Defence' to be used in disciplinary hearings but can be useful for museums in general.
1. Refuse to mount a defence and walk out on the witch hunt.
Museums could learn from this advocacy method in response to public sector cuts. Ignore the loss of income and keep spending. What can the funders do? Sell the collection? No wait....
2. Despite being tested over 500 times I never displayed any signs of positive management.
Museums should avoid positive management at all costs, because if its discovered just once assumptions will be that it could have been done all the time - reputations would be ruined overnight
3. All the eyewitness testimony is biased, because the witnesses are all bitter alcoholics and prostitutes.
A catch all description for any critic of the museum. If said with a vehement conviction whilst foaming at the mouth if nothing else this will buy you time and medical attention.
If you use these defences relentlessly and with gusto it will take the authorities at least 10 years to prove your guilt by which time they would have closed the museum anyway.
Good luck!
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