Hail to the Advective and the return of the LY

With the liberal world wringing its hands and barely able to digest its falafel, parsley, mint and cilantro wrap at the unfolding Brexit/Trump populist tragedy. I have been able to rise above it all and have already identified the likely legacy of the Trump Administration - a new form of grammar. Satirists have latched onto BIGLY as part of the absurdity in communication that the leader of the free world indulges in. SAD!!

He has apparently said it on a number of occasions,

"I'm going to cut taxes bigly, and you're going to raise taxes bigly."
"We're going to win bigly"
"..they're taking it over bigly" 

History is now being re-written as Trump having said 'big league'. If that is the case I will be disappointed as bigly has a noble tradition as an adverb. Thomas Hardy used it in Far From The Madding Crowd,

"I don't see that I deserve to be put upon and stormed at for nothing!" concluded the small woman, bigly." (Chapter 30)

Trump is clearly paying homage to the British bucolic miserabilist poet, I suspect not fully intentionally, but a diet of Fox News and Breitbart may lead one into an English fantasist reverie that spawned the like of Hardy's Overlooking the River Stour (1916) when being oppressed by fake news from all sides

The swallows flew in the curves of an eight
Above the river-gleam
In the wet June's last beam
Like little crossbows animate
The swallows flew in the curves of an eight
Above the river-gleam

Actually I think that is just me. It is my safe space whenever I accidentally come across Sean Hannity (the US equivalent of Piers Morgan). Incidentally they are the possessors of the two most punchable faces in  the Western hemisphere.

Anyway I digress. I don't think Trump uses bigly as an adverb, and definitely not as an adjective, but as a curious new grammatical term - the advective. Part adverb, part adjective, part invective, part adenoid. Yet again one of the many unique innovations bestowed upon humanity by the great man.

He has brought to a screeching halt the dropping of the 'ly' in everyday English speech patterns. Have you quietly fumed when a football pundit opines that, 'the lad played exceptional'. Or bitten on your hand so hard that you drew blood when sitting on the Clapham omnibus and you overhear a young lady state confidently that she had applied her, 'lip gloss perfect'.

Trump has not only given us lies, he has given us LYs. All hail to the chief. He has reclaimed the endangered two letters lost to modern speech. Not only that he has repealed, reworked and reinterpreted it - just like Obamacare.

I hope he takes it further, perhaps all his future lies are told 'tallly', his Syrian options aren't taken 'nuclearly' , and his presidency is prematurely 'curtailedly'.

ALL HAIL TO THE CHIEFLY

Trumped I May be for a happy retirement

You've missed me haven't you. Exhausted after the Summer Olympics I went on a blogging sabbatical while I contemplated retirement. Luckily for you I'm still here and will return to the regular blogging business shortly. I still feel the need to tell you what to think and why I am right more than ever. That approach seemed so quaint a year ago, but I've found politicians have begun to take me seriously and are operating with my patented 'unreason' agenda. I need to take credit for this or at least correct their occasional misinterpretation of my philosophy. Better still gain power myself and show people how its really done.

I've realised that my retirement offers the potential of a more interesting life than I had previously envisioned. As the age of 70 approaches I've realised that being the president of the USA is not beyond me. Previously I thought you had to be a politician, but no! All you have to be is unreasonable. I thought you had to be an American, but then I realised all you had to do was lie. Apparently the previous president was from Kenya and the current one is from a different planet.
As the British have shown you can even become Prime Minister without even having to fight an election. Simple - my retirement is now sorted out. I will run a small to medium sized country for a few years.

OK so how to do it? I've been studying May and Trump closely and come up with a 5 point plan.

1. You need an enemy.
Should it be Poles, Mexicans or Muslims? No, they're all taken. In downtown Unreason, shouting about the danger of a massive influx of a pair of quantity surveyors from Cricklewood has not worked. I need a bigger population for everyone to fear. The Normans is the answer. They're basically French and they are everywhere, and they are MAL HOMMES. The French ddin't send us their best people William the Bastard anyone? Repatriate the Normans, block the Channel Tunnel and dig a moat (we already have one, but we just need to make it a bit deeper).

2. You need leather trousers and or a mail order bride.
I am still chafing after a misguided 10 minutes in the changing rooms at Top Shop after tussling with a pair of leather trousers. It gave the term rawhide a whole new meaning. So an advert in Autocar Magazine for a low mileage wife, recent model, preferably white should do the trick.

3. You need to disparage anybody who has a sensible opinion.
In our museum I have even taken to calling the visitors our 'so called public'.

5. Rig the election
I've started practising by looking for obituaries in the Unreason Bugle and signing the names I find into our museum visitor book to inflate the numbers. Next step I will register them as electors and when I stand in the local by election it will be the Day of the Living Dead all over again. I've set a target of 3 million. That should be enough (population of Unreason 15,874).

5. Come up with a catchy slogan
I've got 2. 'Lets make Unreasonableness great again' and 'UNREASON MEANS UNREASON'

My future is assured, lets hope there is still a world for me to run when my plan comes together.