This week has seen much excitement at the higher echelons of the museum world in England. The Arts Council will take over funding of museums from 1st October and they have announced the criteria for major museum grants. Excited conversations are taking place behind closed doors and the usual toilet reading matter of the Beano and/or Jackie has been temporarily replaced by the newly published 'Culture, knowledge and understanding; great museums and libraries for everyone' (like the Beano but without the pictures or insight).
To save everyone the trouble I give you the cloudy guide to a successful major grant bid.
Firstly don't waste time, are you a big museum service? There are lots of measurements for this, don't worry about looking these up, just ask the next visitor that comes through the door, and if they emit an involuntary laugh you are not a big service and you should stop worrying now. If you really want more disappointment ring up the head of the nearest large museum and ask if they will consider you as part of a consortium bid, they will also emit an involuntary laugh before putting the phone down on you.
So you've passed the mirth test, that means your visitors are serious, therefore you are a proper museum and you will be expected to bid.
The Arts Council has 5 goals and you are only expected to match 2
1. Excellence
2. Audiences
3. Resilience
4. Leadership
5. Children
You will put in a good application so you will cover all 5.
1. Excellence - use the word 'quality' in every other sentence, interspersed with 'standards'. Use the phrase 'quality standards' every paragraph. For example, 'the recent sacking of all our curators has enabled us to reach new quality standards of collection care'.
2. Audiences - (just to remind you, these are the people who get in the way of you doing your job properly) - this time use 'diversity' in every sentence (twice if you can manage it) with the word 'engagement' liberally scattered throughout. For example, 'the incredible diversity of our audience is so diverse that our engagement with them has been incredibly engaging'.
3. Resilience - in other words say you are not going out of business. This is a lie. Every museum is financially unsound with unrealistic budgets. You avoid this tricky problem by immediately sacking the accountant and shredding the business plan. Point out that all the other museums are lying and pick holes in their business plans whilst say you've made large cuts in none essential services that the others have failed to do. (It may be advisable to keep a small cash kitty hidden, just in case the plan backfires and you need to go on a sudden holiday to Bolivia).
4. Leadership - now play the 'partnership' card, firstly refuse offers from other museums to create and consortium (see above, be sure to laugh). Then put in words like 'disseminate', 'support' and 'develop' for the miserable little museums that clutter up your region. Not being part of the bid they cannot contradict any of this.
5. Children - time to announce the clincher - free museum object with every McDonald's Happy Meal
Millions of £££ will now be winging its way to your museum. You will now have 3 years to come up with excuses, or find a new career.
Thursday 22 September 2011
Saturday 17 September 2011
Bloggling: Can Museums Help Tech?
Museums are beginning to engage with 21st Century technology in the same way they failed to embrace the 20th Century. Naturally this leap is causing some problems. What do we do with social media?
As befits one of the world's great museums of the world the Smithsonian has been leading the way. They are fortunate in that they can have a Head of Mobile Strategy. At the other end of the scale we have a member of staff who knows what a smart phone is. So we need to learn from the big boys.
The Smithsonian's offering is mind bloggling (my new word for mind-boggling blogging) mobile & crowdsourcing apps, but also visual recognition and augmented reality systems.
What can be done on a fraction of the budget and yet still be up with the times? Cloudy thinking is needed.
Museums traditionally over time have redefined themselves to reflect the world around them. A pro active museum in the 21st Century should redefine the world to match the museums world. The world for most museums = no staff, no money. So get a grip of new technology by redefining what it is.
New museum definitions for social media
1. Facebook = a book with picture of the author on the front
2. Twitter = pre-pubescent conversation
3. Mobile app or application = using a caravan
4. Crowdsourcing = get the public to your work for you
5. Visual recognition = not ignoring people you know
6. Augmented reality = just make it bigger
Having redefined the digital world its time to put into practice the new museum digital agenda. Here is the alternative manifesto for the digital world for museums with no money.
1. Write a guide to the museum, but instead of a glossy publication do a cheap photocopy with a picture of you on the front, fold it carefully and sit on it. The boss comes and says we should be on Facebook you can legitimately say 'I'm on top of it sir/madam/you cretin'* (*delete as appropriate for the set of values inherent in your organisation)
2. Record the next school group that comes through your door and put it on a sound loop and play it regularly. The boss comes in and says we should be tweeting (see 1 for appropriate response).
3. Tell your boss you need to be given time to work on a mobile app then hire a caravan and go on holiday to the seaside.
4. Before leaving ask the next customer to mind the desk for you while you pop out (its up to you whether you mention the seaside trip). If the cash till is empty and the customer gone by the time you return you can write a report on the problems of community engagement and blame the boss.
5. Say good morning to the boss for the first time and actually use his/her real name (look it up and practice it beforehand).
6. Advertise the new augmented reality exhibition and charge visitors for magnifying glasses.
You are now offering the same facilities as the Smithsonian (make sure that goes into the marketing leaflet) at a fraction of the cost for a fraction of the audience.
As befits one of the world's great museums of the world the Smithsonian has been leading the way. They are fortunate in that they can have a Head of Mobile Strategy. At the other end of the scale we have a member of staff who knows what a smart phone is. So we need to learn from the big boys.
The Smithsonian's offering is mind bloggling (my new word for mind-boggling blogging) mobile & crowdsourcing apps, but also visual recognition and augmented reality systems.
What can be done on a fraction of the budget and yet still be up with the times? Cloudy thinking is needed.
Museums traditionally over time have redefined themselves to reflect the world around them. A pro active museum in the 21st Century should redefine the world to match the museums world. The world for most museums = no staff, no money. So get a grip of new technology by redefining what it is.
New museum definitions for social media
1. Facebook = a book with picture of the author on the front
2. Twitter = pre-pubescent conversation
3. Mobile app or application = using a caravan
4. Crowdsourcing = get the public to your work for you
5. Visual recognition = not ignoring people you know
6. Augmented reality = just make it bigger
Having redefined the digital world its time to put into practice the new museum digital agenda. Here is the alternative manifesto for the digital world for museums with no money.
1. Write a guide to the museum, but instead of a glossy publication do a cheap photocopy with a picture of you on the front, fold it carefully and sit on it. The boss comes and says we should be on Facebook you can legitimately say 'I'm on top of it sir/madam/you cretin'* (*delete as appropriate for the set of values inherent in your organisation)
2. Record the next school group that comes through your door and put it on a sound loop and play it regularly. The boss comes in and says we should be tweeting (see 1 for appropriate response).
3. Tell your boss you need to be given time to work on a mobile app then hire a caravan and go on holiday to the seaside.
4. Before leaving ask the next customer to mind the desk for you while you pop out (its up to you whether you mention the seaside trip). If the cash till is empty and the customer gone by the time you return you can write a report on the problems of community engagement and blame the boss.
5. Say good morning to the boss for the first time and actually use his/her real name (look it up and practice it beforehand).
6. Advertise the new augmented reality exhibition and charge visitors for magnifying glasses.
You are now offering the same facilities as the Smithsonian (make sure that goes into the marketing leaflet) at a fraction of the cost for a fraction of the audience.
Saturday 10 September 2011
Battleship Becomes Museum: what are the possibilities?
In the long tradition of ship museums the US battleship Iowa is to become a museum in Los Angeles.
The UK has many warship museums (HMS Victory, Mary Rose, Warrior, Belfast). The Iowa, although even older than me, was still an operating warship until relatively recently. Controversy has inevitably followed "a peace-loving city was no place for a battleship."
Read more: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2011/09/07/MNNJ1L1F7R.DTL#ixzz1XXhojwG7
This begs the question, should the battleship go to a war-loving city? This obviously narrows the field slightly. Most city authorities actually try and promote safety along with their cultural offerings. The idea of 'safe' heritage is perhaps a topic for a future blog. However, back to the problem at hand, where is the ideal place for a battleship?
A war-loving city near the sea? How about Mogadishu? Its on the coast and probably needs a boost to its tourist economy and culturally there are thin pickings there. The business plan clearly cannot rely on tourism to fund it, the tourist economy can grow (well it cannot get any smaller), so the battleship needs to earn its keep in some other way.
Somalia has a little local difficulty with pirates so there are two options.
1. The battleship can have a practical use against local pirates. Much bigger guns should make it a one-sided contest
2. The battleship can have a practical use for local pirates. Much bigger guns and greater range will make them much more effective.
Which will generate more income? Defeating pirates and increasing tourism? Or encouraging piracy and encourage a culture of philanthropy from newly wealthy pirate entrepreneurs?
I don't have the answer, but look out for the privately funded National Museum of Piracy coming to a war-loving city nowhere near you (if you're lucky).
The UK has many warship museums (HMS Victory, Mary Rose, Warrior, Belfast). The Iowa, although even older than me, was still an operating warship until relatively recently. Controversy has inevitably followed "a peace-loving city was no place for a battleship."
Read more: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2011/09/07/MNNJ1L1F7R.DTL#ixzz1XXhojwG7
This begs the question, should the battleship go to a war-loving city? This obviously narrows the field slightly. Most city authorities actually try and promote safety along with their cultural offerings. The idea of 'safe' heritage is perhaps a topic for a future blog. However, back to the problem at hand, where is the ideal place for a battleship?
A war-loving city near the sea? How about Mogadishu? Its on the coast and probably needs a boost to its tourist economy and culturally there are thin pickings there. The business plan clearly cannot rely on tourism to fund it, the tourist economy can grow (well it cannot get any smaller), so the battleship needs to earn its keep in some other way.
Somalia has a little local difficulty with pirates so there are two options.
1. The battleship can have a practical use against local pirates. Much bigger guns should make it a one-sided contest
2. The battleship can have a practical use for local pirates. Much bigger guns and greater range will make them much more effective.
Which will generate more income? Defeating pirates and increasing tourism? Or encouraging piracy and encourage a culture of philanthropy from newly wealthy pirate entrepreneurs?
I don't have the answer, but look out for the privately funded National Museum of Piracy coming to a war-loving city nowhere near you (if you're lucky).
Friday 2 September 2011
Justin Bieber Car Crash - Heritage Implications
Some of you may be aware that the "teenage pop sensation" Justin Beiber has been in the news lately having survived a car crash in a Ferrari. There was some initial speculation that he was critically injured or worse still, dead. But it seems all parties involved were unhurt and that can only be a good thing.
I've not heard any of Beiber's music personally but nothing can be so bad as to wish ill fortune upon a person (with the possible exception of Jedward). However I digress.
Closer investigation of this sensational story reveals that the Ferrari and a Honda Civic bumped in a car park the result of which according to the police, "Neither cars suffered any visible damage." So, you may think, its just some news creation by the media pandering to our need for a celebrity culture fix. In which case you miss the point entirely.
What is upsetting is the total lack of coverage for the car parking space involved. As a passionate, ok obsessive, promoter of car parking space heritage - the wanton lack of interest in the location of the incident is indecent. The only description of the location I could find was, 'underground parking structure.' This sounds a glamorous and dangerously sexy car park. So a pop star, a car crash and a sexy car park is the ideal opportunity to promote the importance of car parking heritage. As it is in the USA it should be made a national park NOW. A whole new sub category of 'national car park' could be created in the wake of this.
I realise I may be ahead of public opinion in this matter, but if you ignore me just think ahead. When the oil runs out and cars are consigned to history and boring stories told by grandfathers, car parks will pulled down, destroyed and built over in their thousands without a murmur of protest. You have been warned. So start the 'Save the Bieber space' campaign now. Sign up and make a difference.
I've not heard any of Beiber's music personally but nothing can be so bad as to wish ill fortune upon a person (with the possible exception of Jedward). However I digress.
Closer investigation of this sensational story reveals that the Ferrari and a Honda Civic bumped in a car park the result of which according to the police, "Neither cars suffered any visible damage." So, you may think, its just some news creation by the media pandering to our need for a celebrity culture fix. In which case you miss the point entirely.
What is upsetting is the total lack of coverage for the car parking space involved. As a passionate, ok obsessive, promoter of car parking space heritage - the wanton lack of interest in the location of the incident is indecent. The only description of the location I could find was, 'underground parking structure.' This sounds a glamorous and dangerously sexy car park. So a pop star, a car crash and a sexy car park is the ideal opportunity to promote the importance of car parking heritage. As it is in the USA it should be made a national park NOW. A whole new sub category of 'national car park' could be created in the wake of this.
I realise I may be ahead of public opinion in this matter, but if you ignore me just think ahead. When the oil runs out and cars are consigned to history and boring stories told by grandfathers, car parks will pulled down, destroyed and built over in their thousands without a murmur of protest. You have been warned. So start the 'Save the Bieber space' campaign now. Sign up and make a difference.
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