N.e.w. Y.e.a.r. Wishes

Unexpected seasonal wishes to you all.

Having thought I'd done my last blog, the Mayans failed to deliver on their promise to clear my accessioning backlog. In the end I spent the 'end of the world' in a disused warehouse on the outskirts of Moscow (there must have been a mixup with my girlfriend's address), and as the skies darkened and an arctic cold began to pierce my soul the churlish police official who found me explained that this is quite normal for this time of year in Russia. He then promptly deported me for trying to smuggle excessive quantities of Aspirins into the country.

I returned to discover the staff had done a blog on my behalf and it was hilarious, what whacky japesters they are.  I might let them do it again someday. I must now do a proper blog on what the staff really want - although I do plan to have a tanning bed installed in my office in the meantime.

I haven't actually planned any blogs for 2013, but whilst I was becoming a little too intimate with The UK Border Agency (UKBA) staff, I began to reflect on the proliferation of boring acronyms. The world is full of them and the museum sector is no exception.

So my first wish for 2013 is for more entertaining UK museum sector acronyms.

Let's start with our new overseers Arts Council England (ACE). They need to reflect the reality that they are now also responsible for museums and libraries. I suggest the Museums and Libraries Arts Council England (MALICE). What sort of damage could you do with major MALICE funding?

What about the Association of Independent Museums (AIM). Given that there are a lot of small organisations supporting our independent sector, they should be more forthright and claim that they are the MAIN association supporting independent museums and become MAIM.  Could you maim with malice?

Our professional body the Museums Association (MA) could turn a few heads if it became the ANIMAL barking and biting the authorities on our behalf (Association for National and Independent Museums and Libraries). Local authority museums may feel short changed by this, but if the ANIMAL was affiliated to the LLAMA (Large Local Authority Museums Association) incorporating a  SLUG (Small Local Underfunded Group) then we have a pressure group that has to be taken seriously (or put in a Zoo).

So here's to a happy New Exciting Working Year for Everyone Anywhere,  Really!

Leadersheep - the sheep bleat back

In light of the Mayan prophesy predicting the end of the world last night, Mr. Unreasoning has taken some leave to spend his last moments on earth with his Russian girlfriend (having thoughtfully taken a packet of aspirins for her sick grandmother).  His cryptic note left on the reception desk read, 'goodbye and don't look in the skip' has enabled us to find the missing accessioning backlog.

Assuming that he will now return our idea is to give him a Christmas present that may make our life more bearable in 2013 and use this blog to do that.  It hasn't taken us long to crack his password, given that his idea of security is to leave the light on when we're closed. If you want to add to the blog yourselves the password was written on a Post It note stuck to the front of his computer called SHOPPING LIST.

So here it is - a good leader's top 10

1. A thank you

As Alex Ferguson has just told the Harvard Business School,

"For a player – and for any human being – there is nothing better than hearing ‘well done’. Those are the two best words ever invented in sport.”

This applies to anyone from millionaire sportsmen to millionaire museum staff and all millionaires in between.

2. Direction

Don't tell us what to do - we know that. Tell us why we're doing it. How does our small contribution fits into the overall picture. It would really help if this direction was a clear vision - or in our case any vision at all would help.

3. Help us change

If you want us to do something new, tell us why - if we can see it will improve things then we'll buy into it

If you want us to do something new, how about some training and support? 

If you want us to do something new, give us time to get use to it.

If you want us to do something new, don't give up on us if we still don't get it and go back to the old ways - that really pisses us off.

If you want us to do something new, complete the first change before you start the next one.

4. Prioritise

Do it now! That's fine if it is a single important job - not if its everything you do. Give us the priorities we'll work out the timescales and resources.

5. Fun

We work in a life affirming sector dealing with visitors who are enjoying cultural social activities. Why not have fun doing it? When was the last time 'fun' was part of management thinking? Surprise surprise happy staff are more productive staff, are less ill and give a much more positive impression to customers. The 'happy museum' should not just be a nice idea but a core value, yet so often management sucks the life out of our work.

6. Support us to become a team

This may be a shock to management, but we all are trying our best for the benefit of the organisation - we might do it differently, we might do it at different speeds, we might do it in a different order (see 4) - but we are doing it. Recognise that, and work with us to blend our strengths into a real team. You could start by remembering our names.

7. Be part of the team

Do you ask us to do unpaid overtime? Do you ask us to work late regularly? Do you refuse leave at busy times of the year? Do you do the same? When reception is overrun with 5 year old school children  - where are you? When there is an angry customer - where are you? When it's your round at the bar - where are you? If you are with us then we are with you.

8. Admit your mistakes

You are our leader, but you are not perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. If you do so, then admit it say sorry and we move on having learned our lessons. It applies to all human activity, a museum manager is not exempt. Mistakes are allowable, but not repeatable. If a manager does not admit to them then he/she is bound to repeat them.

9. Stay calm

We need a cool head in times of crisis. Stay calm, analyse the situation and then be decisive. Do not shout and look for people to blame - you are just making the situation worse. We all make mistakes (see 8). 

Finally

10. Install a tanning bed

We started with Alex Ferguson and so we shall end with him. To cope with the lack of vitamin D for those living in northern climes he has installed two tanning beds at the Manchester United training ground. Given our position just north/south of Yorkshire, it would shout volumes for staff care if our curator could pop himself on a tanning bed for 10 minutes after a hard day's accessioning. 

And thus sheep might turn into lions

A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all managers and leaders for an enlightened 2013

Ideal Christmas presents for museum staff

As a museum director you probably used to be above sending gifts to staff. Unfortunately due to the spate of redundancies you now have half the staff you had at the beginning of the year. As a result, may I suggest, there will be morale issues to address. You've already given yourself a pay rise to compensate for the stress of making people redundant (at least I have). What better than a thoughtful gift from you to show you care. But if like me you struggle to remember the names of the people who work for you and rely on 'Oi you there!' as a standard form of address to underlings, you need to admit you need help.

Never fear help is here. Specialist gifts for 'special' people

1. The Curator
An increasingly rare beast, a shadowy figure seen furtively blinking in natural light. I must admit I haven't seen mine in years. We leave food outside the door to the stores and it disappears so he is still alive. We had Kate Humble in for a pilot for a new programme 'Curatorwatch' but she failed to confirm a sighting of him let alone catch him mating. I understand that is the real reason she has resigned from the BBC.

So what to buy him? With green issues and sustainability in mind how about this? It is practical and symbolic of the regard I have for him. It'll help keep the stores clean as well.

2. Outreach Officer
An increasingly rare beast, a shadowy figure rarely seen outside of the pub. I must admit I haven't seen mine in years. She seems determined to save the planet from behind a large gin and tonic. She seems to have taken to claiming her increasing collection of tattoos on expenses as well. Her latest one is designed like a necklace with the words 'smile if you hate the boss' which seems to have helped morale. I've had 'laugh if you hate the staff' tattooed on my left buttock - it doesn't seem to have had the same effect.

So what to buy her? How about an edible can of endangered species? She can challenge her phobias whilst chewing on her ethics - perfect.

3. Visitor Services Officer
An increasingly flustered beast, rarely seen smiling at visitors. Her visitor 'focus' usually involves glaring at the foolish public who dare to cross the threshold until they go away thus performing a valuable service to the protection of our collections. What can you get such an outgoing and friendly individual? How about a nice pair of earrings?

4. Cleaner
An increasingly angry beast rarely seen cleaning. Although responsible for putting up the latest exhibition and delivering the learning associated with it, she could at least have mopped the floors while doing it. Is that too much to ask? Buy her something that gives her a sense of self worth. Nothing says that more than a pug t-shirt.

4. Museum Cat
An increasingly rare beast, a shadowy figure rarely seen when its not feeding time. How about making it not just rare but mythical with an inflatable unicorn horn? I see a new TV programme 'Mythwatch' in the new year.

Thus Christmas is celebrated, the team is bonded, staff morale and self worth suitably challenged. Somehow I feel another personal pay rise coming on.

Leadersheep in Museums

My thoughts this week have been turned towards leadership. The museum sector is constantly trying to develop leaders. Why is that? Do we lack the right stuff? Is it proof that leaders are born and as such aren't naturally drawn to looking after old things? 

Who is the greatest leader living today? Arguably it's Nelson Mandela. Can you imagine Nelson Mandela as the most charismatic outreach officer in the history of the Iziki Museums of South Africa? It's a nice thought, but could he have applied himself to museums? Alas during his trial in 1964 he failed to say the following.

"During my lifetime I have dedicated myself to this struggle for museum visitors. I have fought against middle class visitor domination, and I have fought against community group domination. I have cherished the ideal of a democratic and free museum in which all persons visit together in harmony and with equal opportunities. It is an ideal which I hope to live for and to achieve. But if needs be, it is an ideal for which I am prepared to die."

So is the first lesson in leadership to be prepared to die for your museum? By this measure I am not a true leader, although I am prepared to sacrifice my staff and put them on trial. Realistically a man as great as Mandela should be saving a nation and not saving a museum - but isn't that my point?

How about something a little less political? Is the modern day curator a St. Francis of Assisi? Zookeepers obviously are I suppose, but what about the rest of us? As a justification of our trade in 1220 St. Francis failed to say,

"My little visitors much bounden are ye unto your Curator, and always in every place ought ye to praise him, moreover he preserved your objects in the museum, that your history might not perish out of the world; wherefore your Curator loveth you much, seeing that he hath bestowed on you a lovely label; and therefore, my little visitors, beware of the sin of ingratitude, and study always to give praises unto the museum."

That seems much more familiar and comforting, much more befitting of our status.

So what have we learned so far?

Great leaders sort out national problems while we think we are all St. Francis and treat visitors like ungrateful sheep - is that leadersheep?

Now I can see why we spend so much on leadership development.

From St. Francis to Mandela in a two hour PowerPoint session? If there's one sector that believes it can do it - we can! In the words of Winston Churchill,

"I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and ongoing leadership training."

Manifesto for Museums in the 21st Century: participation, participation, participation

What are the three most the important factors in selling your house? Location, location location.
What were the three most important policies of the Tony Blair New Labour administration? Education, education, education.
When visiting Scotland for a holiday what are the three things you most remember? Precipitation, precipitation, precipitation.

Given that we are all thinking about the future of museums and the MA may claim to have 20:20 vision in this respect. The Museum of Unreason Manifesto defines what are actually the three most important things for museums in the 21st century.They are: participation, participation, participation.

BUT, and I believe this is where our profession has gone badly wrong, not participation in the way we have seen it applied recently. We took a wrong turn at the turn of the century when there was a 'Renaissance'. We subsequently wasted £200m on museum access projects for the great unwashed to try and make ourselves relevant. How much more money do we need to spend before we realise that at the end of the first decade its just the same deluded people who continue to visit us. I would compare Renaissance approach to the 'war on drugs' an un-winnable waste of money. The big mistake was to give us the money. We should have given it to non-users to spend on museums.   What a different museum sector that would have given us by 2012. Can we still achieve this in a post Renaissance world?

Given that we are still proudly irrelevant and elitist, happily sacking education staff rather than curators. Money is not coming to us (except to the 'excellent' few) and will never do so again. What is now the prime responsibility of a museum manager? To have fun and engage with non-professionals to create an environment of enjoyable learning that is relevant to modern society? No no no - our prime duty now is to preserve the past, ignore the present and forget about the future.

The constant cry of 'put more collections on show' is wrong. Put less collections on show. 90% of collections are in store being carefully preserved, it should be 100%. Objects should only be brought out upon request (in triplicate) by people who can prove that they will appreciate, understand and learn from them. Most people don't know about them, don't care about them and, if given the chance, will break them.

Access policies? Ban them. Disposal policies? Ban them. Collect, collect, collect. If its old put it in store. Industrial decline = empty warehouses = new museum stores.

You may be asking, what has that to do with participation?

By following this simple strategic approach, museums will empty themselves of 'professionals' and the lifeless clutter of objects. Instead we will create real 'warehouses of the past' lovingly cared for by professional curators in perpetuity. The money saved will then be given to non-users who can then use the empty museums for all the fun and uneducated activity that they want. At a stroke the past is much better preserved and museums become instantly relevant to 21st century society.

Participation, participation, participation? Be true to the idea!