Can the Museums Association Learn From FIFA?

OK so you are corrupt, egotistical, sexist, ethically challenged and living proof that you don't have to be popular to be in charge. Well you are not alone - so is Sepp Blatter (or should I say WAS Sepp Blatter who selfishly resigned just as I had started a blog page on his impressive survival techniques even in the face of truth, justice and the American way).

So is Sepp Blatter the typical head of an association? I think I can honestly say NO. The Museums Association has never left $10000 in a brown envelope in my hotel room when I've attended their conference. But given that we are an enlightened liberal profession, is there anything the Museums Association can learn from Mr. Blatter? Of course there is. 

1. One Museum One Vote

Young Mr. Blatter kept in power at FIFA by using the single vote system; giving a pseudo-country like the Faroes has as much power as England (another pseudo-country, but you get my point). So he extended memberships to anybody who could kick a ball diluting the power of the 'big boys'. So the obvious way forward is for the president of the MA Board to change the constitution to make it 1 museum 1 vote, then the Museum of Unreason would have the same influence as the British Museum - making us much more democratic so that us 'little boys' are not bullied by the superior professionalism, experience and ethics of the well-run organisations.

2. Spread the Love

Blatter used funds generated by the powerful nations and distributed them across the world. A simple lesson to be learned here is to use some of the British Museums funding and distribute it unevenly across the Museum sector. That would guarantee Museum of Unreason's vote for president.

3. Have Nothing to Hide

As Uncle Sepp once said in 2003, "Neither FIFA nor its president have anything to hide, nor do they wish to," This is an obvious management tip. Lie and keep lying only until a long gaol term beckons. I notice this hasn't been part of the Museums Association's recent ethics consultation - MA missing a trick?

4. Move to Switzerland

Swiss privacy laws are your friend even when you have nothing to hide, it avoids wasting time answering unnecessary questions so you can get on with the job unhindered. MA take note there may be some cheap office accommodation becoming available in Lucerne shortly - and London is sooo expensive.

5. Hang around long enough and make everyone scared of change

Blatter had something in common with Syria's Bashar al-Assad and many many bad managers who tend to hang around too long. Simply don't move on, don't resign, don't die and use the techniques outlined above to keep in power. In the museum world you could even die and be put into storage before anybody notices. As Confucius himself said, "Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change." Are you wise or stupid? I'm proud to say I'm both.

I'll leave the final word to Sepp himself (suitably adapted for my audience)

"The Museums Association stands for discipline, respect, fair-play, not just in museums, but in our society as well."

Hear! Hear!