Palms are sweaty, forehead is glistening, hair is receding and greying - why? Wednesday 25th January 2012 is the day the Arts Council of England (ACE) announce the Major Grants for museums with designated collections in England. A potential boost of millions of £££ for museums is imminent - Major Grant. Or a potential loss of income, staff combined with the crushing of hopes and dreams - Major Grunt. Well at least for 3 years anyway. What will happen on Wednesday Grant or Grunt?
1.
Major Grant - Celebrate with staff
Major Grunt - Tell staff Strategic Grant was the main aim all along
2.
Major Grant - Put "too rich to care"on your Outlook auto reply
Major Grunt - Put "closing down sale now on" on your Outlook Outlook auto reply
3.
Major Grant - Try to remember the 5 strategic ACE goals
Major Grunt - Know you will never forget the 5 strategic ACE goals
4.
Major Grant - Know you are now officially an excellent museum
Major Grunt - Know you are now certainly going to be an ex museum
5.
Major Grant - Know you now have diverse audiences
Major Grunt - Know you now have reverse audiences
6.
Major Grant - Know your museum embodies leadership
Major Grunt - Know your museum exudes desperation
7.
Major Grant - Know you are now a child friendly museum
Major Grunt - Know that claiming to be child friendly will definitely get you arrested
As Albert Einstein said "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results" - so book yourself in for psychiatric treatment now, because you are going to go through it again in 3 years time. Either that or 2015 will find you taking it easy on a park bench in London cradling a bottle of meths. It's your choice.
