Corrected Correction Corrected

A short but blunt 'phone call from the Editor of 'Inuits Today' magazine about this morning's blog A Corrected Correction was somewhat negative. Upon re-re-re-reading the blog I realise that even more grammatical errors on my very new intern's part may have led her that conclusion. I have therefore sacked her (recently recruited from the Antarctic Bugle) and replaced her at short notice with my new intern (who asked me to buy his Big Issue on the way to work this morning) to correct the corrected corrections as follows:

1.  "I used to regard the East Midlands as a sort of geographical barrier between the Arctic and civilisation i.e. anywhere warm. A sort of regional Hadrian's Wall. It has proved surprisingly good at its main (only) job as I am never assaulted on a regular basis by Inuit dialects when strolling through the leafy thoroughfares of warm places without snow all year round." 

should have read,

 "I used to regard the East Midlands as a sort of geographical barrier between the Antarctic and civilisation i.e. anywhere with polar bears. A sort of regional Hadrian's Wall. It has proved surprisingly good at its main (only) job as I have never seen any penguins strolling through the leafless suburbs of Nuuk."

2. "..Robin Hood an Eskimo? Unlikely, although it might explain the strange smell of fish "

should have read,

"..Robin Hood a penguin? Not even in a Disney cartoon!"

I hope that any, every and all misunderstandings are now resolved in the confident knowledge that penguins are not avid museum visitors, and even if they were, the absence of fingers and a good internet connection in the Southern Ocean will keep them quiet

My new intern has proved such a help that I have given him the key to the museum while I am at the Museums Association Conference - so if you are in the area pop in and Big Baz and his little mongrel dog Osborne will give you a welcome you won't forget.

A Correction

The reaction to this weekend's blog More East Midlands Heritage Madness from the people of God's Own County (Yorkshire to you and me) has been somewhat negative. Upon re-reading it I realise that a few grammatical errors on my part may have led some to that conclusion. I have blamed my intern (recently made redundant from the Guardian as a copy editor) so I've given the job to my new intern (recently made redundant from the Yorkshire Post as a t' editor) to make the corrections as follows

1. "I used to regard the East Midlands as a sort of geographical barrier between Yorkshire and civilisation i.e. London. A sort of regional Hadrian's Wall. It has proved surprisingly poor at its main (only) job as I am assaulted on a regular basis by flat vowels when strolling through the leafy thoroughfares of SW1." 

should have read,

"I used to regard the East Midlands as a sort of geographical barrier between London and civilisation i.e. Yorkshire. A sort of regional Hadrian's Wall. It has proved surprisingly poor at its main (only) job as I am assaulted on a regular basis by fruity southern vowels when strolling through the leafy thoroughfares of Doncaster." "

2. "..Robin Hood a Yorkshireman? A Yorkshireman knows too much the value of 'brass' to give it away."

should have read,

"..Robin Hood a Londoner? Surely Londoners take from the poor to give to the rich"

Any offence caused was entirely intentional and any resemblance to person or persons is truly remarkable

More East Midlands Heritage Madness

Last week my attention was drawn to the strange world of East Midlands heritage, so I've made it my mission to keep an eye on it so that the rest of you don't have to. However I'm quickly coming to the conclusion that there is something strangely great about this part of the world - but more of that later.

I used to regard the East Midlands as a sort of geographical barrier between Yorkshire and civilisation i.e. London. A sort of regional Hadrian's Wall. It has proved surprisingly poor at its main (only) job as I am assaulted on a regular basis by flat vowels when strolling through the leafy thoroughfares of SW1.

I hasten to add I do not regard the West Midlands in the same way, things seem to happen there. They've had this Shakespeare bloke producing plays for posh people for ages. Slade and Wizard invented the Christmas party in 1973 with 'Merry Christmas Everybody' and 'I Wish it Could Be Could Be Christmas Everyday'. The world would certainly be a poorer place without Ozzy Osbourne and Robbie Williams. However after a short mental drive up the M42 I could only come up with Paper Lace's 'Billy Don't Be a Hero', a moving celebration of cowardice. At least they had the word lace in their name.

At last I realised they've got Robin Hood, an international signifier of fairness and the struggle of  people for justice. They must be shouting about him from the roof tops. Hmm... apparently not. The best I could find was a celebration of the Sheriff of Nottingham at the Galleries of Justice Museum  - the baddie! This has allowed Doncaster to try and claim him, but Robin Hood a Yorkshireman? A Yorkshireman knows too much the value of 'brass' to give it away.

Then suddenly local BBC website is crowing about 2 multi-million pound Robin Hood extravaganzas. A £13m development at Nottingham Castle and a £13m development in Sherwood Forest.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-nottinghamshire-20146713

Instantly local academics are questioning their sustainability. It's slightly surprising they are not complaining that it's not the King John Visitor Extravaganza.

However look a bit more closely to see the peculiar East Midlands madness at work.

It seems Nottinghamshire County Council want to build a castle in Sherwood Forest and Nottingham City Council want to recreate Sherwood Forest in the castle. If they want each others assets that badly why don't they just do a swap and spend the £26m on a Paper Lace museum?

Better still - have Nottingham City noticed they haven't got a castle? Spend the £13m knocking down that hideous modern bungalow masquerading as a castle and put up a proper one. Has Nottinghamshire County noticed that Sherwood Forest is down to about half a dozen trees and a 'major oak' held together with concrete and steel girders. Spend the £13m planting trees to recreate the splendour of the original hunting grounds. Problem solved and there may still be a few ££ left over for the Paper Lace museum.

Next week it's the Museum Association conference and I'll be reporting on that extravaganza in my next blog. In the meantime those of you going to Edinburgh this year from Museumland (London) and you are flying over the East Midlands or your train is briefly stopping at Grantham, look out the window and wave at a place of unassuming madness we should all celebrate - the EAST MIDLANDS.