Ethical Advertising for Museum Jobs

I've been working on a job advert for a new member of staff. The result is nicely clichéd, but is it accurate? My ethical resolution for new year is to be more open and honest, so I'm thinking of translating our well worn phrases to reflect the realities of work in a modern independent museum. But the question is, will I still recruit if I substitute the column phrases on the left for the ones on the right?

Competitive salary	Other museums don't pay much either.
A flexible approach to work needed	You work weekends and evenings for no extra pay
Join our dynamic museum	We’ve missed our last 3 HLF deadlines
You need to be a self starter	We have no time to train you
Be creative	You'll have no budget
Duties will vary	You are already on the toilet cleaning rota
Must have an eye for detail	We can’t find anything in the stores
We are seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience	Following the latest round of cuts, you'll be replacing three people.
Good communication skills required	Listen to management and don't ask any questions
Career minded	You have no career prospects
Problem solving skills a must	Find a way of getting the bank manager off our backs
You need to be a team player	You'll have all the responsibilities of upper management, without the pay, title or respect.
The ability to work on your own	There are no other members staff

All this reminds me of an old joke.

A Museum Manager died and his soul appeared at the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter was waiting with a frown on his face,

"The problem is, we've never had a Museum Manager make it this far before and we're not really sure what to do with you. So I've been instructed to let you have a day in hell and a day in heaven, and then you are to choose where you'd like to go for all eternity."

"Actually, I think I would prefer heaven", said the museum manager.

"Sorry, we have rules..." at which St. Peter put the him into the downward bound lift.

As the doors opened in hell he stepped out onto a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a plush hotel; around him were many friends - past fellow colleagues, all smartly dressed, happy, and cheering for him. He played a perfect round of golf and afterwards went to the hotel where he enjoyed a superb meal with old friends and colleagues. He met the Devil, although reminding him of a past Director of the British Museum he was actually rather nice, and he had a wonderful night telling jokes, drinking and dancing. Before he knew it, it was time to leave; everyone shook his hand and waved goodbye as he stepped into the lift. The lift went back up to heaven where St. Peter was waiting for him.

"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said.

So he spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing, which was all very pleasant as well. At the day's end St Peter returned.

"So," he said, "You've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. You must choose between the two."

The Museum Manager thought for a second and replied, "Well, heaven is certainly lovely, but I actually had a better time in hell. I choose hell."

Accordingly, St. Peter took him to the lift again and he went back down to hell.

When the doors of the lift opened he found himself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in rubbish and filth. He saw his old colleagues dressed in rags, picking up litter and putting it in old sacks. The Devil approached and put his arm around him.

"I don't understand," stuttered the Museum Manager, "Yesterday I was here, and there was a golf course, and a hotel, and we ate lobster, and we drank and had a wonderful time. Now all there's just a dirty wasteland of rubbish and all my colleagues look miserable."

The Devil looked at him and smiled. "Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're staff."