How To Write the Perfect Museum Interpretation Panel

The museum interpretation panel is the bread and butter of any museum display. Properly written it provides an excellent opportunity for visitors to ignore it as they desperately press all the buttons on your broken interactive next to it.

In the words of Ernie Wise (younger readers can ask your parents who he was) if you have talent like what I have got then the beautifully crafted interpretation panel is within your reach. It is just a question of avoiding some obvious pitfalls.*

• Steer clear of cliches; if you give them a wide berth then your panel will be the cat's whiskers.

• Brevity is key; do not use more words for the general concept, idea or fact you are trying to express, articulate or explain

• Always avoid, abnegate and abjure annoying and aggravating alliteration

• Facts need to be specific, more or less

• Complete sentences only, please

• It goes without saying all verbs has to agree with subjects  

• Parenthetical remarks (however pertinent) are (almost always) superfluous

• The passive voice is to be avoided

• Foreign words are de trop and suck the joie de vivre out of the text

• Delete commas, that, are not, necessary

• One should never generalise

• Avoid ampersands & abbreviations etc.

• Analogies on panels are like track suits on sloths

• Never use big words when diminutive expressions will discharge the meaning more efficaciously

• Never use quotations, as Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "I hate quotations."

• Who needs rhetorical questions?

• Never mix your metaphors, even if your well turned phrase flies like a bird, it should still be given its marching orders

• Exaggeration is a million times worse than understatement

• Finally, proofread carefully to see if you any words out

By following these simple rules will turn you panel into something you will be proud for the general public to ignore. 

*My bible for all things factual and grammatical is  'How much poo does an elephant do?" by Mitchell Symons. Thanks to him for his tips and inspiration that I have passed onto you today - all museum professionals must own it.

Is there such a thing as Museumism?

Last week I speculated as to what a museum is, but is there such a thing as museumism? By which I mean a distinctive practice, system, or philosophy. The answer should be a resounding yes, but you will struggle to find it Webster's Dictionary. In society we have a new government that follows a philosophy of conservatism. The Church of England constantly strives to combat the growth of atheism, and ignorantism is my justification for not being able to spell diarrear, dairhere, diarrhoer... the runs. Museumism occasionally surfaces in the art world, less so in the actual museum world itself yet we are already ruled by 'isms'. So, in order to get to a sense of museumism, I need to address the number of 'isms' that apply specifically to museums, or have a specific meaning within a museum context. Do you recognise any of these from your organisation?

absurdism - belief that we work in an irrational profession

academicism - doctrine that nothing of any use can be learned from an interpretation panel

catastrophism - belief in the true nature of change in the museum sector

casualism - belief that chance governs all museum decisions

existentialism - doctrine of the individual curator's responsibility for an unfathomable museum store

fatalism – belief that all objects in stores are inevitably lost for ever

idealism - belief that our experiences in the museum leave us with no idea about the outside world 

but we are comforted  by

illusionism - belief that the world external to the museum is actually not real

laxism - belief that the unlikely opinion of the museum manager may be safely followed

millenarianism - belief that the ideal museum will be produced in the near future

pejorism - severe pessimism, if we display it they will still not come 

rationalism - belief that wikipedia is the fundamental research source for your next exhibition

resistentialism - theory that inanimate museum objects display malice towards curators

voluntarism - belief that the volunteers eat all the biscuits

So where does that leave museumism itself? Can we draw together the disparate 'isms' under the heading of museumism. If our mission can be to inspire a more thoughtful society, can we develop that into an 'ism' that reflects the challenges and aspirations of the sector?

MUSEUMISM - the belief that (despite poor funding, irrational staff, lost objects and a lack of biscuits) buildings, objects and ideas can be drawn together to create an understanding of the value of the past to inspire a more thoughtful future for society.

Job done, now to write to Mr. Webster to get it in his dictionary.

What is a Museum?

The question I usually ask of strangers is, 'Where is the museum?'

Why you might ask? After an enjoyable weekend at the Unreason Beer and Cider Festival (a pleasing memory comes to mind when I made the acquaintance of Cotswold Blow Horn in 2014) my sense of direction is often temporarily disrupted. Indeed I was so tired and emotional this year that the question, 'What museum?' slipped from my fevered lips. Staff and volunteers insisted that it did exist, but that it wasn't located under a hedge round the back of the International Ciders marquee. At this point I shall digress to recommend Jeremiah Weed's cider from Kentucky - which I believe to be the reason I found myself examining the hedge from below in the first place. Readers will be comforted to know I regained my eyesight in a few hours and was able to walk again unaided within the week. But it inspired me to ask the question, can a museum be a hedge?

I know many of us begin to philosophise uncontrollably under the influence of alcohol. Indeed it is hard to disagree that wine is bottled poetry and Theakston's Old Peculier is the gateway to somewhere extraordinary. If the champagne glass reputedly represents the shape of Marie Antoinette's breasts and the Greeks drank wine from 'mastos' cups it is clear that even the ancients knew that new ideas and new thinking are suckled at the teat of mother booze.

This long preamble is by way of introduction to the larger question at issue today - what is a museum?

The basic dictionary definition is a place to start,

"a building in which objects of historical, scientific, artistic, or cultural interest are stored and exhibited."

The UK's Museums Association take it further,

'Museums enable people to explore collections for inspiration, learning and enjoyment. They are institutions that collect, safeguard and make accessible artefacts and specimens, which they hold in trust for society.'


International Council of Museums (ICOM) phrases it slightly differently, in particular,

  ''..in the service of society.."


All are adequate, but limit us to buildings and objects. Quite rightly the ICOM and the Museums Association encourage us to do something fun and educational with the objects, but I begin to diverge from this thinking about the notion of holding collections 'for' society. We are part of society, we should be integral not separate. Collections should be held by society. Collections represent society. Collections are society, society is a collection of people and people are people (UKIP excepted). What you can safely say is that the concept of the museum wouldn't exist without people - but it can exist without collections or buildings - so the current definitions are wrong. The Royal Albert Memorial Museum in Exeter actually had a million visitors when it was shut for four years. In 2010 the Maison des Civilisation et de l’Unité Réunionnaise (MCUR) opened on Reunion Island. In the words of Francois Verges,

"The MCUR was not conceived around a collection, but rather around the desire and the will to offer a space of encounter, debate and interpretation."

So there are just two examples where either the 'collection' was irrelevant or the 'building' was. The common denominator is the 'people'.

Sorry I'm getting carried away, anyway its my round in the pub (a blood orange flavoured Hooch, a pint of bitter, a port and lemon and a sparkling mineral water for the miserable designated driver).

So we need to step back to the origin of the word museum. To 'muse' is to be absorbed in one's thoughts - you can, but do not have to, muse in a specific location or with a particular object. You can do it anywhere at any time (red traffic lights are my favourite; I found musing at green lights led to much higher car insurance premiums). A muse can also be defined as 'an inspiration' after the 9 Greek goddesses that symbolised the arts and sciences.

If we, who work in museums, accept that we have buildings and that we have collections, but not be tied by them, then our thinking is freed up immensely. Can we make it our mission to inspire society in thought? Extraordinary things might flow from that. The way we collect, the way we dispose, the way we present, the way we engage do not have to be tied to collections and buildings, they can become 'stuff' to help us not bind us.

A new dictionary definition of a museum?


"A concept to inspire a thoughtful society"


It makes you think; anyway a couple more Hooches and I'll set about asking whether we have free will and does that explain Keeping Up With The Kardashians?

 

Blue is the Newest Colour

I've paused from painting the doors of the Museum of Unreason a lovely shade of 'Conservative Blue' (part of Dulux's 'Political Range' of paints) to celebrate the fact that our great nation is in the safe hands of a single political party. Surely that's infinitely preferable to the prospect of a further 5 years of ridiculously compromised coalition government, that led to stability, moderation and economic growth - nobody wanted that.

Museums should welcome unrestrained right wing political control - why might you ask? Let the words of Sajid Javid, the Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport reassure you,

"...don’t let anyone tell you that Conservatives don’t care about culture."

That's good enough for me.

Who wants moderation and a socialist culture of dependency? Let us be free from the shackles of subsidy support; let us be celebrate the transfer of lottery funding to prop up the new English Heritage charity. If the Government can redefine our national heritage organisation - let us take inspiration from the Conservative Party and redefine museums in the spirit that our great nation decided at the ballot box on Thursday. 

When I say 'nation' I'm naturally excluding Scotland that believes itself to be a separate country but isn't, Northern Ireland that is a separate country but believes it isn't, Wales that just isn't, and Brighton Pavillion which has gone Green apparently (I suspect conservation issues with metal roofing).

Which blue museum will you be by 2020?

The Healthy Museum
Become part of the NHS 'local' to take advantage of the increased funding (£8bn a year) all you need to do is change the temporary exhibition space into a 24 hour NHS Direct drop in centre (staffed by volunteers obviously!) and guarantee that everyone over 75 will get an appointment the same day for the curator to value their beer mat collections.

The Educational Museum
Lift the cap on student visitor numbers, but make them take SATs on arrival. All exhibitions will include English, maths, science, a language and history or geography, with the new standards organisation Ofmuse unable to award its highest ratings to museums that refuse to display these core subjects.

The Housing Museum
Open your stores to tenants and extend the right-to-buy Giftaid scheme to all museum visitors. First time visitors under the age of 40 to be sold tickets at 20% below the market rate.

The Childcare Museum
Provide 30 hours of free child volunteer activity to working parents of three- and four-year-olds. I suggest getting them to help with documenting the accessioning backlog in the stores.

The Immigration Museum
Instigate new rules so that people will have to be earning income in the UK for a number of years before they can visit your museum and only have exhibitions in English to encourage language integration.

National Security Museum
Don't reduce the size of the regular ex armed services volunteers and offer to take a Trident submarine into your museum as a touring exhibit (optionally site it in Scotland just to annoy the SNP). Don't allow into the museum groups that foment hate (quite a wide constituency if the opinions of my volunteers are anything to go by) and ban from your museum extremist groups (W.I., Family History Societies, NADFAS, etc.).

What Does the 2015 UK General Election Mean for Museums

As I sit here I feel blessed to be writing from a country where I can look out over the world's most beautiful countryside where it is always seems bright and sunny and where the people are always friendly to immigrants - I should go on holiday more often. So there is a smile on my face as I type this from my holiday villa in an economically challenged part of Europe with an excellent exchange rate. 

As a stressed museum professional worried about the start of the visitor season at Easter, I felt it was important to leave all that to the volunteers whilst I recharge my batteries after a hard winter worrying about how I look in swimming trunks.

However, the most important thing is - I have cast my postal vote for the UK's 2015 General Election. The polls suggest it will be a close run thing, but what do the main parties have in mind for museums and what advice can I give to museums who find themselves under a Conservative/UKIP/Plaid Cymru coalition next week. To save you all from wading through the hopelessly optimistic election brochures, I've done it for you.

So what do the manifestos say?

The Conservative Party - they are very specific. In a whole paragraph related to heritage and museums. They promise to destabilise Stonehenge by driving a road under it,  they promise to continue underinvestment in national museums by not allowing them to charge. They are going to create an India gallery in Manchester through a partnership with The Manchester Museum (is there only one in Manchester?). This seems as absurd as opening a Manchester museum in India. Why not either give back the treasures taken from India or allow relevant communities to decide?  And finally divert Heritage Lottery Funds from local heritage groups and regional museums by redirecting it into the newly created English Heritage charity (which was formerly funded by government). 
MARKS OUT OF 10 = 0
Advice - if you are a local authority run or independent charitable museum - take a pistol out of the gun store and apply it to the temple 

The Labour Party - they are less specific, but more interfering.  They will continue to fund free entry to national museums (see above for my view on that). But they add a commitment to universal free access to great art and national heritage 'in all parts of the country' - they don't mean all museums with designated collections, or museums with the word national in their title - or do they? Reckless socialist spending on culture is back!!! They will also require all organisations that receive arts funding to open their doors to young people (instead of slamming doors in their faces as we do now?) but redressing the balance of funding around the country - to stop being Londoncentric? Sadly they will get into power and look at the accounts find they cannot increase spending that will only leave interference as their only policy - hmmm.
MARKS OUT OF 10 = 0
Advice - move your museum out of London and rename your museum as I will do 
The Young People's National Museum of Unreason

The Liberal Democrat Party - Tory-lite? They will continue to fund free entry to national museums (is there a pattern emerging?) and...and...and...nothing else
MARKS OUT OF 10 = 0
Advice - see Conservative Party (this time add a bullet)

So what about the more marginal parties that might hold the balance of power

Scottish National Party - 'Make Scotland Stronger at Westminster'.They will continue to ignore the existence of museums entirely
MARKS OUT OF 10 = 0
Advice - do not move your museum to Scotland

Plaid Cymru - 'Working for Wales'. They will pledge free entry to the National Museum of Wales...zzzzz
MARKS OUT OF 10 = 0
Advice - do not move your museum to Wales

Green Party - 'For the Common Good' Their statement is worth copying verbatim, "Increase government arts funding by £500 million a year to restore the cuts made since 2010 and reinstate proper levels of funding for local authorities, helping to keep local museums, theatres, libraries and art galleries open." Golly - the only question is how are they going to pay for it?
MARKS OUT OF 10 = 10
Advice - paint your museum green!!

UKIP - 'Believe in Britain' No word on museums specifically, but much on a romanticised concept of British 'heritage'. They are working to protect our 'green and pleasant land'. Joy of joys - they will reinstate a Minister of Heritage and Tourism to the cabinet. They will prioritise conservation over development, stopping any of this terrible change that is destroying our country. Although they have pledged something that will have historic house house owners (and many others with listed buildings to maintain) salivating by promising to remove VAT on repairs to listed buildings. Most importantly they will initiate policies to save the pub and the great British seaside. Put UKIP in charge and they will turn us back to an idealised 1950s. 
MARKS OUT OF 10 = +1 (the VAT policy) - 11 for being complete numpties = -10
Advice - start wearing tweed, move your museum to Skegness and rename it the Red Lion and book Morris Dancing Groups

I cannot tell you which way to vote, just make sure it is for the common good.

Happy voting.