What Does the 2015 UK General Election Mean for Museums

As I sit here I feel blessed to be writing from a country where I can look out over the world's most beautiful countryside where it is always seems bright and sunny and where the people are always friendly to immigrants - I should go on holiday more often. So there is a smile on my face as I type this from my holiday villa in an economically challenged part of Europe with an excellent exchange rate. 

As a stressed museum professional worried about the start of the visitor season at Easter, I felt it was important to leave all that to the volunteers whilst I recharge my batteries after a hard winter worrying about how I look in swimming trunks.

However, the most important thing is - I have cast my postal vote for the UK's 2015 General Election. The polls suggest it will be a close run thing, but what do the main parties have in mind for museums and what advice can I give to museums who find themselves under a Conservative/UKIP/Plaid Cymru coalition next week. To save you all from wading through the hopelessly optimistic election brochures, I've done it for you.

So what do the manifestos say?

The Conservative Party - they are very specific. In a whole paragraph related to heritage and museums. They promise to destabilise Stonehenge by driving a road under it,  they promise to continue underinvestment in national museums by not allowing them to charge. They are going to create an India gallery in Manchester through a partnership with The Manchester Museum (is there only one in Manchester?). This seems as absurd as opening a Manchester museum in India. Why not either give back the treasures taken from India or allow relevant communities to decide?  And finally divert Heritage Lottery Funds from local heritage groups and regional museums by redirecting it into the newly created English Heritage charity (which was formerly funded by government). 
MARKS OUT OF 10 = 0
Advice - if you are a local authority run or independent charitable museum - take a pistol out of the gun store and apply it to the temple 

The Labour Party - they are less specific, but more interfering.  They will continue to fund free entry to national museums (see above for my view on that). But they add a commitment to universal free access to great art and national heritage 'in all parts of the country' - they don't mean all museums with designated collections, or museums with the word national in their title - or do they? Reckless socialist spending on culture is back!!! They will also require all organisations that receive arts funding to open their doors to young people (instead of slamming doors in their faces as we do now?) but redressing the balance of funding around the country - to stop being Londoncentric? Sadly they will get into power and look at the accounts find they cannot increase spending that will only leave interference as their only policy - hmmm.
MARKS OUT OF 10 = 0
Advice - move your museum out of London and rename your museum as I will do 
The Young People's National Museum of Unreason

The Liberal Democrat Party - Tory-lite? They will continue to fund free entry to national museums (is there a pattern emerging?) and...and...and...nothing else
MARKS OUT OF 10 = 0
Advice - see Conservative Party (this time add a bullet)

So what about the more marginal parties that might hold the balance of power

Scottish National Party - 'Make Scotland Stronger at Westminster'.They will continue to ignore the existence of museums entirely
MARKS OUT OF 10 = 0
Advice - do not move your museum to Scotland

Plaid Cymru - 'Working for Wales'. They will pledge free entry to the National Museum of Wales...zzzzz
MARKS OUT OF 10 = 0
Advice - do not move your museum to Wales

Green Party - 'For the Common Good' Their statement is worth copying verbatim, "Increase government arts funding by £500 million a year to restore the cuts made since 2010 and reinstate proper levels of funding for local authorities, helping to keep local museums, theatres, libraries and art galleries open." Golly - the only question is how are they going to pay for it?
MARKS OUT OF 10 = 10
Advice - paint your museum green!!

UKIP - 'Believe in Britain' No word on museums specifically, but much on a romanticised concept of British 'heritage'. They are working to protect our 'green and pleasant land'. Joy of joys - they will reinstate a Minister of Heritage and Tourism to the cabinet. They will prioritise conservation over development, stopping any of this terrible change that is destroying our country. Although they have pledged something that will have historic house house owners (and many others with listed buildings to maintain) salivating by promising to remove VAT on repairs to listed buildings. Most importantly they will initiate policies to save the pub and the great British seaside. Put UKIP in charge and they will turn us back to an idealised 1950s. 
MARKS OUT OF 10 = +1 (the VAT policy) - 11 for being complete numpties = -10
Advice - start wearing tweed, move your museum to Skegness and rename it the Red Lion and book Morris Dancing Groups

I cannot tell you which way to vote, just make sure it is for the common good.

Happy voting.