EU Referendum Update July 2016

The dust has settled on the EU referendum and the events can be summarised quite easily.

Overall the UK voted to leave, although distinct areas and countries voted to remain.

This caused some political upheaval, which has now become clearer

UKIP - the main leaver left.

Meanwhile in the Conservatives the main remainers left along with all the leavers. That left the remaining remainer insisting that leaving means leaving. She then got the leavers back in to help us leave. Whilst doing this she talked to Scotland who wanted to remain, to persuade them to remain whilst joining in leaving.

In the Labour Party the remainer remains despite efforts to get him to leave by other remainers.

For the Lib Dems the remainers insist leaving means remaining, although nobody is listening to them.

In the country some leavers now want to remain, and many remainers now want to leave the country.

In Europe they want us to remain but insist we should leave as soon as possible.




So where does that leave museums? They want to remain, but will be forced to leave, whilst hoping that the contacts remain, even though the European funding will leave.


Chief BBC political analyst Laura Kuenssberg assessment of the situation is as follows

You put your left arm in

your right arm out 

In, out, in, out, 

You shake it all about.  

You do the Hokey Cokey and you turn around

That's what it's all about...

Woah, the hokey cokey,

Woah, the hokey cokey,...

A Briton's EU Elegy

The church bell tolls the knell of parting way,

       The defeated man climbs slowly o'er the gate,

The Briton homeward plods his weary way,

       And leaves Europe for darkness due to hate.



Now fades the glimm'ring future on the night,

       And all the air a solemn stillness holds,

Save where UKIP man preens his droning spite,

      As lousy thinking doth infect the polls;



Save us from yonder lonely tow'r

      The moping spirit tabloid to the mass complain

And so, Britannia finds her secret bow'r,

      Returns to her ancient solitary reign.


For Cameron no more number 10's hearth shall burn,

       The tired PM shows his evening care:

84 Tories write to save their sire's concern,

      Or vie to have his envied role to share.



Beneath that rugged hair, that blonded shade,

     Heaves Boris Johnson's mould'ring heap,

Is in his narrow mind for ever laid,

       The rude leaver of Europe, asleep.



That breezy call in a Scottish Morn,

    The Sturgeon twitt'ring from the stone-built stead,

The crow's shrill clarion, or her echoing horn,

     No more shall Union keep Scots from their EU bed.



Oft did Ireland to their violence yield,

     Their divided soul the cycle had been broke;

How quickly will they take their guns to wield!

    As borders rise and calls to unite occur in one stroke!



The day with markets in sad array

    The currency's downward path we saw it borne.

Approach with dread where the economy will lay,

    Grav'd on the stone where we will mourn.



Here he rests his head upon the lap of Earth

    A hostage to Fortune and to Fame unknown.

Fair Albion frown'd on EU's worth,

    And Melancholy mark'd him for her own.



Never has Thomas Grey's Elegy Written in a Country Churchyard seemed so apt and poignant

on this sad day

Labour Elect a People's Museum

Saturday 12th September

Headline in the Independent newspaper website (who buys newspapers anymore?)

"Jeremy Corbyn wins Labour leadership election: Landslide victory over Andy Burnham, Yvette Cooper and Liz Kendall"

Suddenly Conservative Party members are rubbing their hands at the prospect of electoral victories for many years to come and the left wing establishment are collectively facepalming. Tim Farron (who is Tim Farron you might ask? The Lib Dem leader since July in case you hadn't noticed - along with the rest of the country) suddenly sees the prospect of a revival of the centre left in politics and in his dreams.

Why? Because Jeremy Corbyn is a piece of Labour party heritage, a living museum piece. New Labour is no more, Old Labour is back. Just like museums! We are currently trying to make the past relevant to modern audiences, we are trying to get objects out of glass cases and putting them into the hands of the general public. Why shouldn't political parties do the same? 

"...objects are able to take the visitor back in time to discover the people involved."*

Jeremy Corbyn is such an object. Let him take you back to a world where:

• railways are state run
• there's a 75% top rate of tax on the wealthy
• no nuclear weapons
• strong rent controls
• no tuition fees
• no wars in the east

That is enough to bring a nostalgic tear to citizens of a certain age. It is not the mythical past that UKIP are trying to recreate, but to a recognisably pre-Thatcherite age. Will it happen?

What commentators seem to have forgotten is that all the above policies have widespread support from the British general public. Indeed, it seems we are all closet old labour socialists. But will we come out of the closet and begin going on protest marches and vote Labour ever again?

Another way of putting it, are we as likely to vote Labour as to think going to a museum is a good thing to do on a weekend?  We all know museums are important. We all know that they play an important part in preserving our culture. We know where they are, but do we go there? Or does the IKEA sale, the round of golf or just festering quietly in front of 'Murder She Wrote' seem more attractive?

Sadly I fear Jeremy Corbyn, will go the way of publicly funded museums. He is a good idea, even necessary perhaps, and although we implicitly support his ideology we won't vote for him.  His inevitable crushing defeat at the next General Election and subsequent resignation will leave the posh boys** in charge for another term.

Do we get the politician's we deserve? Sometimes we do, but we don't always vote for them.

Do we get the museum's we deserve? Sometimes we do, but we don't always visit them.

What is Jeremy Corbyn's favourite museum? I would put my meagre salary on it being the People's History Museum in Manchester. A truly amazing museum, with truly amazing staff - but have you visited it recently?

Sadly it is a possibility that neither Mr. Corbyn or the People's History Museum will be around in 2020, and who's fault is that?

You have been warned.

All together now!

The people's flag is deepest red,
It shrouded oft our martyred dead,
And ere their limbs grew stiff and cold,
Their hearts' blood dyed its ev'ry fold.

etc.

 

*D.Lynn McTierney, Smithsonian Institute, http://museumstudies.si.edu/McRainey.htm 
** posh boys - a technical term roughly defined as 'an arrogantly entitled male elite'. Google the term and a pictures of our present Prime Minister and Chancellor of the Exchequer feature prominently. I will of course be voting for them in the next election to keep UKIP out.

What Does the 2015 UK General Election Mean for Museums

As I sit here I feel blessed to be writing from a country where I can look out over the world's most beautiful countryside where it is always seems bright and sunny and where the people are always friendly to immigrants - I should go on holiday more often. So there is a smile on my face as I type this from my holiday villa in an economically challenged part of Europe with an excellent exchange rate. 

As a stressed museum professional worried about the start of the visitor season at Easter, I felt it was important to leave all that to the volunteers whilst I recharge my batteries after a hard winter worrying about how I look in swimming trunks.

However, the most important thing is - I have cast my postal vote for the UK's 2015 General Election. The polls suggest it will be a close run thing, but what do the main parties have in mind for museums and what advice can I give to museums who find themselves under a Conservative/UKIP/Plaid Cymru coalition next week. To save you all from wading through the hopelessly optimistic election brochures, I've done it for you.

So what do the manifestos say?

The Conservative Party - they are very specific. In a whole paragraph related to heritage and museums. They promise to destabilise Stonehenge by driving a road under it,  they promise to continue underinvestment in national museums by not allowing them to charge. They are going to create an India gallery in Manchester through a partnership with The Manchester Museum (is there only one in Manchester?). This seems as absurd as opening a Manchester museum in India. Why not either give back the treasures taken from India or allow relevant communities to decide?  And finally divert Heritage Lottery Funds from local heritage groups and regional museums by redirecting it into the newly created English Heritage charity (which was formerly funded by government). 
MARKS OUT OF 10 = 0
Advice - if you are a local authority run or independent charitable museum - take a pistol out of the gun store and apply it to the temple 

The Labour Party - they are less specific, but more interfering.  They will continue to fund free entry to national museums (see above for my view on that). But they add a commitment to universal free access to great art and national heritage 'in all parts of the country' - they don't mean all museums with designated collections, or museums with the word national in their title - or do they? Reckless socialist spending on culture is back!!! They will also require all organisations that receive arts funding to open their doors to young people (instead of slamming doors in their faces as we do now?) but redressing the balance of funding around the country - to stop being Londoncentric? Sadly they will get into power and look at the accounts find they cannot increase spending that will only leave interference as their only policy - hmmm.
MARKS OUT OF 10 = 0
Advice - move your museum out of London and rename your museum as I will do 
The Young People's National Museum of Unreason

The Liberal Democrat Party - Tory-lite? They will continue to fund free entry to national museums (is there a pattern emerging?) and...and...and...nothing else
MARKS OUT OF 10 = 0
Advice - see Conservative Party (this time add a bullet)

So what about the more marginal parties that might hold the balance of power

Scottish National Party - 'Make Scotland Stronger at Westminster'.They will continue to ignore the existence of museums entirely
MARKS OUT OF 10 = 0
Advice - do not move your museum to Scotland

Plaid Cymru - 'Working for Wales'. They will pledge free entry to the National Museum of Wales...zzzzz
MARKS OUT OF 10 = 0
Advice - do not move your museum to Wales

Green Party - 'For the Common Good' Their statement is worth copying verbatim, "Increase government arts funding by £500 million a year to restore the cuts made since 2010 and reinstate proper levels of funding for local authorities, helping to keep local museums, theatres, libraries and art galleries open." Golly - the only question is how are they going to pay for it?
MARKS OUT OF 10 = 10
Advice - paint your museum green!!

UKIP - 'Believe in Britain' No word on museums specifically, but much on a romanticised concept of British 'heritage'. They are working to protect our 'green and pleasant land'. Joy of joys - they will reinstate a Minister of Heritage and Tourism to the cabinet. They will prioritise conservation over development, stopping any of this terrible change that is destroying our country. Although they have pledged something that will have historic house house owners (and many others with listed buildings to maintain) salivating by promising to remove VAT on repairs to listed buildings. Most importantly they will initiate policies to save the pub and the great British seaside. Put UKIP in charge and they will turn us back to an idealised 1950s. 
MARKS OUT OF 10 = +1 (the VAT policy) - 11 for being complete numpties = -10
Advice - start wearing tweed, move your museum to Skegness and rename it the Red Lion and book Morris Dancing Groups

I cannot tell you which way to vote, just make sure it is for the common good.

Happy voting.

Traditionally Unreasonable British Foods

Hello regular readers, you may ask about where I've been. I seem to have missed March completely, but I have an excuse (read on for the details).

My strategic plan for 2014 included the creation a new shop area selling traditional foodstuffs made in the village of Unreason. Sadly, a quick bit of research on Wikipedia has suggested that the ancient county of Unreasonshire is a bit of a culinary wasteland. I managed to identify an 'Unreasonable Sausage' but the recipe has been lost in time following the extinction of the Eurasian Brown Bear and the Norman Conquest (the two events may be unrelated but I'm not so sure - anyway the result was a more garlic based cuisine).

Undaunted I decided to follow the great British tradition of ... inventing traditions. Thus we now have a well stocked Unreasonable shop full of historically accurate local foodstuffs. The trick is to present the past with confidence. The advantage of a museum is that it has a perceived  voice of authority. A museum is a museum, therefore my museum is the same in the public mind as the British Museum or the Smithsonian. I assume that these museums know what they are doing and that most of what they present isn't made up. Thus the intellectual rigour of the great national museums of the world allows me to get away with murder. I mean murder in the philosophical sense rather than literally... certainly after complaints from the local police authority about the plans for my new interactive crime and punishment display based on the Game of Thrones...erm I mean the Wars of the Roses.

Instead in 2014 summer season the Museum of Unreason has exhibitions on everything except World War I. In fact the August 2014 exhibition will be called 'Don't Mention the War' - a celebration of the fact that John Cleese's VW Beetle broke down by the village green in 1975 on the way to Weston-super-Mare, whereupon he beat the recalcitrant vehicle with a Juniper bush. Thus the greatest British TV comedy of the 20th Century, Fawlty Towers, was born. I've been training the volunteers to goose step up and down the museum to the sound of Hitler's speeches in preparation.

Anyway I digress. The first event of the year is happening over Easter to launch our shop. It is the 1,125th  Olde Medieaval Unr'ason Foode Fayre. It is a reinstatement of a traditional event held annually from 889 to 889 instigated when Alfred the Great burnt the Unreason Barm Cakes.

The traditional Unreason foodstuffs on display and available to sample are:

• Bongers and Mush - hemp sausage and sweet potato 
• Spotted Cock - Chicken with currants
• Toad in the Hail - Iced frog
• Fish and Chips - battered cod and deep fried potato slices
• Cottage Pie - Baked roof thatch
• Unreasonable Hotpot - stewed Lancastrians
• Bubble and Squeak - roast mouse in washing up liquid
• Ploughman's Lunchbox - Meat and two veg.
• Jellied Owls - Strawberry jelly laced with caffeine
• Hot Cross Bunnies - more of a pastime involving hot pokers - but the results are often edible

The traditional Unreason drinks are:

• Unreason Farmhouse Cyder - Gooseberry Cider and Cyanide
• U.P.A. - Unreason Pail Ail - a hoppy light beer made from sheep dung  - named after its side effects
• Whiskpee - traditional stills are still to be found in the outside toilets of many Unreason cottages. 
• Unreason Grope Whine - Unreason is too far north for grapes to grow successfully to create vintage wines, but the local produce was used to power the early mechanised tractors until the accidental addition of whiskpee means that this nourishing drink now powers many Formula 1 cars. Sip with care.
• Laud-a-Bomb - Brandy mixed with morphine and nitroglycerin mixed by monks from the Benedictine abbey of St. Borstal's (a pint of this is what made me miss the whole of March)

The local hospital is on alert and all police leave has been cancelled. So come along for an event that will not linger long in the memory and result in guaranteed colonic irrigation.

However there is a broader lesson to be learned here. The government is worried about social cohesion and the break down of society. What keeps a community together is a sense of shared identity that is primarily rooted in the past. Whether this past is historically accurate or not is irrelevant. Thus museums have a duty to make up a past that is better and more inclusive than real life can provide. Thus by making up the past, we preserve the future and what better service can a museum provide than that. At Unreason we do it by identifying and pandering to British drinking culture and increasing societal obesity - and so everybody wins.

Next Month in Unreason:
Beating the Bounds and Well Dressing - come and join us for the traditional hunting down of immigrants with baseball bats and throwing them down wells. A pastime enjoyed by the stout yeomen of England since the founding of UKIP in 1993.