Born this day - 30th April - Alice B. Toklas - mini blog

Born in 1877, Alice B. Toklas is probably most famous for being the partner of Gertrude Stein and the the subject of The Autobiography of Alice B. Toklas actually written by Stein. Her own most famous work is in fact a cook book, which included the recipe for hash brownies.

So what about museums, you may ask?

Is constructing a menu, a bit like pulling together an interpretive plan? Of course it is, so what did Toklas say.

“In the exhibition, there should be a climax and a culmination. Come to it gently. One will suffice.”

Sage words Alice B. Toklas

I decline to accept the end of museums

On 10th December 1950 in Stockholm, Sweden a modest writer called William Faulkner was awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature. He accepted it during the dark days following the Soviet acquisition of the nuclear bomb and the very future of civilisation seemed under threat. Move forward 66 years and the pessimists are talking of the death of museums. I disagree strongly with this view. Read (or listen to) the Faulkner speech, apply it to museums and the argument for optimism still holds up. This can be simply because museums are an intrinsic part of human civilisation. To lose them would be part of the loss of self. The speech can also be read as an emphasis on the link of museums with the broader cultural and artistic community. Unwittingly he has hit upon one of the secrets of sustainability that Arts Council England are very keen on. i.e. working with artists.

I have taken an reinterpreted excerpt from the speech. I hope it will inspire you as it did me.

"I decline to accept the end of museums. It is easy enough to say that museums are immortal because they will endure: that when the last ding-dong of doom has clanged and faded from the last worthless rock hanging tideless in the last red and dying evening, that even then there will still be one more sound: that of museums puny inexhaustible voice, still talking. I refuse to accept this. I believe that museums will not merely endure: they will prevail. They are immortal, not because they alone among cultural organisations have an inexhaustible voice, but because they have a soul, a spirit capable of compassion and engagement and endurance. The poet’s, the writer’s, duty is to write about these things. It is his privilege to help museums endure by lifting their hearts, by reminding them of their collections and activities and hope and pride and compassion and love and sacrifice which have been the glory of humanity's past. The poet’s voice need not merely be the record of museums, it can be one of the props, the pillars to help them endure and prevail."

William Faulkner 1919 - 1962 

Birthday 22 April - Immanuel Kant - mini blog

Born today in 1724, the German philosopher is most famous for being 'a real pissant' according to Monty Python. 

In the Critique of Pure Reason (1781) he asks three questions. 

1. What can I know? 2. What ought I to do? 3. What may I hope? 

Worth museums asking perhaps?

What did Einstein think of museums?

The greatest mind of the 20th Century wasn't a renowned museum visitor. But if you examine some of Albert Einstein's quotes, you get the sense he actually longed to be a museum manager. For example did you know his famous equation E=MC2 actually stands for,


Engagement = Museum x Customer Care 2


Think about that for a minute and the power of the equation and why it makes sense becomes apparent. They only gave him the nobel prize for physics because there isn't one for museums...yet.


What about some of his more famous quotes?

With some slight amendments, they become incredibly perceptive insights into museums.

Two things are infinite: the universe and museum collections; and I'm not sure about the universe.

Interpretation without collections is lame, collections without interpretation is blind.

The most beautiful museum we can experience is the mysterious one. It is the source of all true art and science.

If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough to write an interpretation panel.

Museums: logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.

Insanity: doing the same exhibition topic over and over again and expecting a different audience.

There are only two ways to manage your museum. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

Great curators have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre managers.

Every exhibition should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Museum sustainability is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Albert, we salute you!

Bremain - Museums In!

This week we look at the arguments for museums to stay in Europe. I have taken as the source of the 'Bremain' facts Pro Europa (http://www.proeuropa.org.uk) a cross-party unincorporated group which seems (counter intuitively) administrative and regulation light - they clearly don't understand Europe. However the fact that they have 13 reasons to stay compare to the Brexit's 10, obviously means the weight of argument is in pro Europe's favour. Or is it? As Boris Johnson said,

"...there are no disasters, only opportunities. And, indeed, opportunities for fresh disasters."

1. Jobs

Erroneous stat alert. Around 3.5 British museum jobs are directly linked to membership of the European Union – that is currently 1 in 10 British museum jobs. I think that says more about the British museum job market than our links to Europe.


2. Exports & investment

Museums lends and loans objects to and from Europe, as well as everywhere else. Leaving Europe will mean less support for loans to and from Europe. And the Greeks aren't going to get the Elgin marbles back EU or not.


3. Trade

British museums are more of a legacy of Empire than Europe. You may not have noticed the end of Empire (some curators in major museums please take note). What we are now in is a period of barbarian invasions (if you believe the Daily Mail) which equates to c400AD to 1065AD. How much active contemporary collecting are museums doing to reflect this? Leaving Europe will just change that to war with France and/or Germany (1066 - 1945) of which we have got loads of stuff in museum stores. So in short museums should stay in Europe and bring their collecting policies up to date NOW.

4. Consumer clout

British museums enjoy lower plumbing charges, (Poles),  lower maintenance charges (Lithuanians), cheap car washes in disused petrol stations (Latvians), easier access to contract hit men (Albanians), great customer care (French), hilarious comedy (Germans) - I could go on. These sorts of benefits could not be achieved by Britain alone.

5. Clean environment

You no longer get food poisoning in museum cafes, dengue fever from our toilet seats, strange rashes from handling the guide book, or that faint whiff of pickled onions from museum room stewards. That is good for Britain and good for Britons holidaying at home.

6. Power to curb the multinationals

The EU has taken on multinational giants like Microsoft, Samsung and Toshiba for unfair competition by cutting museum funding so that they can't afford to buy products from these companies. A retired volunteer standing in the corner of the exhibition will always be cheaper than plasma screens and interactive computers. The UK would not be able to do this alone.

7. Freedom to work and study abroad – and easy travel

If you don't like working in a British museum, your driving licence issued in the UK is valid throughout the EU so get on the ferry and find another job.

8. Peace and democracy

Peace throughout Europe has allowed museums to concentrate on commemorating battles, having war weekends and hiring re-enactment societies to keep the real ale industry afloat and the NHS overstretched. The alternative is unthinkable.

9. Equal pay and non-discrimination

Equal pay for men and women is enshrined in EU law, as are bans on discrimination by age, race or sexual orientation. This benefits museums by making wages too high that they all have to be run by volunteers of any age, gender, race etc.

10. Influence in the world

Britain museums have a great reputation around the world and that is because of the EU.  The world sees Europe and then recognises that British museums are the best. If we leave Europe who can we compare ourselves to? The logic is flawless. We have better museums because we are in Europe.

11. Cutting red tape

If we didn't have red tape what does the Mayor cut when she opens our new exhibitions? Answer me that.

12. Fighting crime

The European Arrest Warrant replaced long extradition procedures and enables the UK to extradite criminals wanted in other EU countries, and bring to justice criminals wanted in the UK who are hiding in other EU countries. Hmmm... perhaps it is better we leave. It was only once and I blame the cheap wine (EU subsidised no doubt), but the church was open and I felt our museum could do with a minor renaissance master triptych for the Unreason monastery display. Luckily by painting a moustache on the Virgin Mary no-one has noticed yet


13. Research funding

The UK is the second largest beneficiary of EU research funds, and the British Government expects future EU research funding to constitute a vital source of income for our world-leading universities and companies and one day museums might get some. 

Well you've had the balanced arguments, now its time for you to decide. Please vote by sending unmarked cash to me and I'll spend the results.

Brexit - Museums Out!

Over the next couple of weeks I will be presenting the rational arguments for leaving or staying in the European Union from an independent museum perspective. I am going to ignore the Museums Association poll that indicates 97% of members think UK museums would be better off in the EU (http://www.museumsassociation.org/museums-journal/news/01032016-would-uk-museums-be-better-off-in-or-out-of-the-eu) . Instead I will step outside the front doors of the museum, step blinking into the sunshine and find out what the outside world is thinking. This week - why we should leave. I have taken the source of my reasoning from the Better Off Out campaign website (http://www.betteroffout.net). Better Off Out was founded in 2006 by The Freedom Association and they have put forward 10 reasons why we should leave (shown in bold) which I have annotated to help museums decide what it means for them.

1. Freedom to make stronger trade deals with other nations.
More loans from the Smithsonian and less loans from the Louvre

2. Freedom to spend UK resources presently through EU membership in the UK to the advantage of our citizens.
Money for museums will be as abundant in the future as now (feel free to give a hollow laugh at this point). 

3. Freedom to control our national borders.
I will still have the keys to the museum's front door, but the lock might now be made in China

4. Freedom to restore Britain’s special legal system.
Freedom to bring back the stocks for OAPs demanding a discount in the shop

5. Freedom to deregulate the EU’s costly mass of laws.

Hoorah, I'm bringing back bent bananas for the cafe, will sell eggs by the dozen in the shop, bring back cleavage to the barmaids at our real ale festival, and may my swedes be turnips for evermore in the farm shop

6. Freedom to make major savings for British consumers.

No free entry for tourists, and a new 'Are you local?' discount

7. Freedom to improve the British economy and generate more jobs.
Dear Santa, I would like a new marketing manager, assistant curator, outreach officer, front of house manager (+3 staff) and a p.a. please.

8. Freedom to regenerate Britain’s fisheries.
Probably of use to the Grimsby Fishing Heritage Centre; less useful to my museum, but if the cost of a haddock and chips at my local chippy gets cheaper I'm all for it

9. Freedom to save the NHS from EU threats to undermine it by harmonising healthcare across the EU, and to reduce welfare payments to non-UK EU citizens.
I don't want barber shop quartets serenading me while having my annual check up from my proctologist.

10. Freedom to restore British customs and traditions.

Given that we still do cheese rolling, bog snorkling and Morris dancing. Is it time to bring back conkers, cock fighting, bear baiting, anti-semitism and primae noctis.

The future's bright and the future's British. 

Museum Fundraising - catchy slogans for the use thereof

How do you draw attention to your donations box? How do you crate a catchy fundraising slogan? Let me do the hard thinking for you. Try these for size and take one for a test drive and see what a difference it could make to your fundraising activities

Money speaks louder than words! Give it to the museum now.

Give a percentage towards your heritage 

 Carpe diem and give to your museum

Your money means collection protection

Be a part of this museum and make the curator’s dream come true by keeping him/her in a job.

Be part of a change in the museum - stop it closing.

Give generously and breathe life into the past.

Support the museum. Change Lives. Save the World.

Charity doesn’t hurt, unlike our replica scold's bridle.

Give to the museum, the children of the future need museums.

Don’t delay, contribute to your heritage today!

Donation shows appreciation.

Let our displays continue to amaze

Forget what you can get and see what you can give.

Give! So cultural professionals can eat tonight.

Give your share to show you care! Enable exhibition acquisition

Giving is the best therapy! Just ask our volunteers!

Help today because tomorrow you may be the one who is a museum piece!

Is it better to light a candle than to pay the museum's electricity bill ?

What have you given today? 

You can make a difference to this museum, so why don't you?

Your donation may be pitifully small and feel like a drop in the bucket. But every drop counts!

Your change can make a change to this museum.

Your contribution can help achieve a sustainable museum solution