In an effort to improve museum discipline and encourage an increase in respect for me and my role as museum manager I put the following on the staff noticeboard (similarities to any similar commandments are entirely coincidental).
I am the museum manager your God, who brought you out of amateur collecting and out of the land of attics, garages and car boot sales. You shall obey the following commandments.
1. You shall have no other museum manager other than me.
2. You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything resembling bare buttocks on a photocopier. You shall not put them on the internet or attach them to the staff room noticeboard; for I, the Lord your manager, am a jealous manager, punishing the volunteers for their sin.
3. You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your manager, for the manager will not hold anyone guiltless who calls him Adolf.
4. Remember the Sabbath day is the busiest museum visiting day of the week. Most days you shall labour and do a bit of work, but every day is a sabbath to the museum manager. On it he shall not do any work, whether you, your son or daughter, or your male or female servant, or your animals, or any foreigner doth visit the museum.
5. Honour your father and your mother, so that you may subsidise your minimum wage the Lord your museum manager is giving you.
6. You shall not murder the museum manager.
7. You shall not commit adultery unless the museum manager can wan watch.
8. You shall not steal from the 'tea club' in the staff room.
9. You shall not give false testimony against your museum manager.
10. You shall not covet your manager’s house. You shall not covet your manager’s wife (if he ever gets one), or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that the manager possesses that may once have been part of the museum collections.
N.B. Edith its your turn to buy the biscuits this week - chocolate hobnobs preferred.
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