I am over the MA conference and back on terrafirma, but my thoughts have been on twitterfirma ever since. Learning the new word 'tweeps' was possibly the highlight of my conference (I'm not sure what that says about me - or the conference). My thanks must go to the prolific museum tweeter Rachel Cockett (@RachaelCockett) for introducing me to the word. Since then I've have been adding 'tw' to most things much to the annoyance of the general public. The process is simple, if you tweet, read tweets, or even think about tweeting whilst indulging in everyday activity simply 'twitterfy' the word or phrase. For example, since the conference:
I've been twubbing (tweeting in a pub)
I've had a nice relaxing twubble bath
I've twined in a restaurant
and I've tweeded the garden - and very nice it looks too.
The possibilities now become interesting. Cockney rhyming slang will have to adapt. Will cockney 'tweezers' go out for a 'twuby' on a Saturday night, dressed in their 'twistles', I would suggest this is no less incomprehensible that the real thing.
When the kids have an extra day's holiday is that because the teachers will be having a 'twinset' day?
Will bagpipers now indulge in a quick 'twirl' of the pipes?
Do you tweet in the hairdresser's? Having your fringe whilst sending a tweet would that be a 'twinge'?
If somebody gives you a hint and you tweet it, would it be a 'twinkling'?
If you share the highlight of the conference on twitter would that have been the 'twilight'?
Would a museum curator accidentally 'tweak' a Ming vase by dropping it on the floor?
I could go on, and probably have. This all very diverting - please tweet if you have some good suggestions with the long term aim of getting these words into the updated Oxford English Dictionary.
But beware - there are dangers. I'd never want a twitter chat to become a 'twat'. Or do I?
* A Comedy of Errors - I may have found incontrovertible evidence that Shakespeare invented the word 'tweep' although there is a large coffee stain on the page in question so I can't be certain.
Thursday, 28 November 2013
Friday, 22 November 2013
Museums Association Conference 2013 Twittering Awards
How was the conference for you? Tweetful?
I sensed this year was a less intense twittercasion than last year. My own tweeting was down 70% and that includes my less than informative, "#museums2013" tweet. At least it proved I knew where I was and what year it is - could the same be said of all the speakers?
The first conclusion to jump to is that tweeting has peaked. Is twitter now on the slippery slope towards unfashionable desuetude?
There were a tremendous amount of retweets this year, I would suggest the majority of the #museums2013 hashtagged tweets were in fact retweets. Good snippets of information were great especially from the simultaneous sessions, but many tweets were like buses they came in a rush all at once. Was this due to the intermittent wifi at the conference centre? I spent many a frustrated hour trying to send 140 characters of great pith and moment into the ether rather than listening. Goodness knows what the speakers must have thought as their great insights into museums were being received with scowling faces and phones being waved in the air.
I suppose this is a long winded way of saying the choice was more limited for awards this year.
There is usually a plethora of food related tweets from the conference. Pleasingly, yeast featured this year. Yet I believe my first award nicely sums up the entire reason for conference attendance for me.
Best reason for conference attendance tweet
@Purcelluk Good to see you @GM_Museums at the MA conference and thanks for the cupcakes! #museums2013
Meeting colleagues, having a good time and eating cake.. oh and there were some talks as well
Best excuse not to tweet
@nwestrep_ma Feeling happily tired and glad to be home after two brilliant days at #museums2013 - sorry been far too busy to tweet during conference :-)
Aren't MA reps are well trained, hardworking and corporately 'on message' - It must bring a manly tear to Mark Taylor's eye.
Best I've learned a new word tweet
@RachelCockett Museums Association conference #tweetup for museum tweeps. Non-tweeps welcome. #museums2013.
A 'tweep'?
Best hope for the future tweet
@GaladrielBlond7 the first time in my life visited the museum. it's cool.
Surely the holy grail is for museums to be cool for the next generation - and at least one has succeeded
Best advice to cope with budget cuts
@iainawatson Maurice Davies building future museum out of cardboard and string!
Will the next Museums Journal be made from sticky back plastic?
Best big brother is watching you tweet
@marktaylor_ma 1500 people attend #museums2013 and not one person from DCMS. No wonder they are out of touch.
"I counted them all in and back out again"
Best worst maintenance of equilibrium under stress tweet
@MuseumGeoff I am NOT advocating violence towards another person. But if I get my hands on them #museums2013
Prize to person who can make the best suggestion for how to finish the sentence
Best the more I read it the stranger it becomes tweet
@EastMidsMuseums "More love, less loss" - promote what audiences can do to help the environment w ur dead animals, not make them feel helpless #museums2013
A plea to love dead animals? A suggestion to ask for audience ideas as to what to do with dead animals? Are audiences helpless or dead animals? OR all of the above at the same time?
Best suggestion for what to do with an animal skin...ever
@ErinHillforts Quote of the day: "if you'd never seen a walrus & all you had was the skin, you'd stuff it til it was really fat and smooth!" #museums2013
I don't think it has to just be Walruses, just think of any cute animal with strangely shocked faces - perhaps this is what @EastMidsMuseums had in mind for the previous tweet.
Lastly, criticism was thin on the ground but there were compliments a-plenty. "great session", "excellent session", "fun session" etc. But what was the best of the best compliments?
Best Complimentary tweet
@NickPoole1 Totally brilliant introductory role play on Board problems at #museums2013 from @Cubists great stuff!
Congratulations @NickPoole1 that is a proper complimentary tweet if I ever saw one and congratulations @Cubists for earning it.
And so the conference closes for another year. If any of you have come across better tweets, or better categories then do let me know.
Next year, will we have our tweetfaces on again? Or will it continue to fall? I suspect the quality of Welsh wifi may answer many of those questions.
eich gweld y flwyddyn nesaf
I sensed this year was a less intense twittercasion than last year. My own tweeting was down 70% and that includes my less than informative, "#museums2013" tweet. At least it proved I knew where I was and what year it is - could the same be said of all the speakers?
The first conclusion to jump to is that tweeting has peaked. Is twitter now on the slippery slope towards unfashionable desuetude?
There were a tremendous amount of retweets this year, I would suggest the majority of the #museums2013 hashtagged tweets were in fact retweets. Good snippets of information were great especially from the simultaneous sessions, but many tweets were like buses they came in a rush all at once. Was this due to the intermittent wifi at the conference centre? I spent many a frustrated hour trying to send 140 characters of great pith and moment into the ether rather than listening. Goodness knows what the speakers must have thought as their great insights into museums were being received with scowling faces and phones being waved in the air.
I suppose this is a long winded way of saying the choice was more limited for awards this year.
There is usually a plethora of food related tweets from the conference. Pleasingly, yeast featured this year. Yet I believe my first award nicely sums up the entire reason for conference attendance for me.
Best reason for conference attendance tweet
@Purcelluk Good to see you @GM_Museums at the MA conference and thanks for the cupcakes! #museums2013
Meeting colleagues, having a good time and eating cake.. oh and there were some talks as well
Best excuse not to tweet
@nwestrep_ma Feeling happily tired and glad to be home after two brilliant days at #museums2013 - sorry been far too busy to tweet during conference :-)
Aren't MA reps are well trained, hardworking and corporately 'on message' - It must bring a manly tear to Mark Taylor's eye.
Best I've learned a new word tweet
@RachelCockett Museums Association conference #tweetup for museum tweeps. Non-tweeps welcome. #museums2013.
A 'tweep'?
Best hope for the future tweet
@GaladrielBlond7 the first time in my life visited the museum. it's cool.
Surely the holy grail is for museums to be cool for the next generation - and at least one has succeeded
Best advice to cope with budget cuts
@iainawatson Maurice Davies building future museum out of cardboard and string!
Will the next Museums Journal be made from sticky back plastic?
Best big brother is watching you tweet
@marktaylor_ma 1500 people attend #museums2013 and not one person from DCMS. No wonder they are out of touch.
"I counted them all in and back out again"
Best worst maintenance of equilibrium under stress tweet
@MuseumGeoff I am NOT advocating violence towards another person. But if I get my hands on them #museums2013
Prize to person who can make the best suggestion for how to finish the sentence
Best the more I read it the stranger it becomes tweet
@EastMidsMuseums "More love, less loss" - promote what audiences can do to help the environment w ur dead animals, not make them feel helpless #museums2013
A plea to love dead animals? A suggestion to ask for audience ideas as to what to do with dead animals? Are audiences helpless or dead animals? OR all of the above at the same time?
Best suggestion for what to do with an animal skin...ever
@ErinHillforts Quote of the day: "if you'd never seen a walrus & all you had was the skin, you'd stuff it til it was really fat and smooth!" #museums2013
I don't think it has to just be Walruses, just think of any cute animal with strangely shocked faces - perhaps this is what @EastMidsMuseums had in mind for the previous tweet.
Lastly, criticism was thin on the ground but there were compliments a-plenty. "great session", "excellent session", "fun session" etc. But what was the best of the best compliments?
Best Complimentary tweet
@NickPoole1 Totally brilliant introductory role play on Board problems at #museums2013 from @Cubists great stuff!
Congratulations @NickPoole1 that is a proper complimentary tweet if I ever saw one and congratulations @Cubists for earning it.
And so the conference closes for another year. If any of you have come across better tweets, or better categories then do let me know.
Next year, will we have our tweetfaces on again? Or will it continue to fall? I suspect the quality of Welsh wifi may answer many of those questions.
eich gweld y flwyddyn nesaf
Friday, 15 November 2013
MA Conference 2013 - A National Disgrace
Did the title get your attention?
I tweeted my comprehensive review of the conference on 14th November, so in this blog I want to concentrate on a conference phenomenon I have become increasingly aware of over time. Namely 'nationals bashing' the fine art of criticising our national museums at each and every opportunity (at this point the conference organiser Sharon Heal breathes a big sigh of relief).
It is there, subtly, blatantly, snidely; in keynotes, workshops and practice sessions; at lunchtimes, coffee breaks and network sessions. If the subject of 'the nationals' comes up criticism is not far behind. 'They get all the money', 'they won't work with the smaller museums', 'philanthropy all goes their way', 'DCMS is only interested in the nationals', 'they couldn't care less about us' ad nauseam. This is then backed up by figures trotted out about Londoncentric funding etc. Has it not occurred to anyone that if you put the sector's best people with the best collections in the biggest city(ies) you are going to get inequality... of excellence.
Yet the nationals can't hit back and state the bleeding obvious to the rest of us. This is because they represent and are symbolic of our nation. I now need to narrow down my hypothesis. Last year in Scotland the talk around 'national' was dominated by 'nationalism' and the 'Scottish question'. I imagine a different dynamic next year in Wales, but in England there is no National Museum of England and England is the subject from now on.
The strong cannot criticise the weak, the wealthy the poor, the best collection the worst collection. It comes across as arrogance and panders to the very perception that you are being criticised for. The obvious comparison to draw is that of the arch criminal in a Hollywood blockbuster movie. The criminal is well educated, refined, wealthy, speaks with received pronunciation and is usually to be found in his (v. rarely her) lair surrounded by priceless artefacts exhibiting taste and culture. In other words the very epitome of a national museum director. Added to that is the scheming, the ruthlessness, the sacrifice of everything and everybody for personal gain - again the very epitome of a national museum director. The iconic archetype is Alan Rickman in Die Hard (1988) - the clues are all there that he is a museum director. The film makers try to throw you off the scent by calling him Hans Gruber - 'grubby hands?' as in 'get your grubby hands off my collection' - the message could not be more obvious. And what does Hans Gruber do? He seems to be able to fund a well staffed and well equipped army of combat curators determined to get private sector sponsorship and if not then to stop at nothing to take the money anyway.
Only the downtrodden underfunded small regional independent McLane Teddy Bear Museum is there to stop him - in other words a cowboy playing at being a museum. So how does Hollywood solve the problem and create a Leninist museum utopia of equality? Answer - throw the museum director off the top of a very tall building.
Now I am not advocating that we find the tallest building in Cardiff next year and start chucking the directors off the top (although I would quite like to throw Sandy Nairne, the Director of the National Portrait Gallery, off simply because half way down I think he will unfurl his bat wings and soar skywards laughing manically - or is it just me that thinks that?).
Can I make a pitch now to the MA for my talk next year's conference, 'The Die Hard Effect: how Hollywood is to blame for the poor staff morale in UK museums.'
The solution is to simply work through and then beyond these perceptions at the beginning of the conference. We should literally pillory any and all members of staff from a national museum (I am sure there are plenty of regional museums willing to lend them). The short term satisfaction of throwing rotten vegetables at David Roth shouting, "Yippee-ki-yay V&A!" is soon assuaged and proper English guilt will kick in and numerous apologies exchanged. The resulting dialogue over a cup of tea will commence and an understanding will soon emerge that we are all in the same boat working towards the same purpose to make the world a more educated and cultured place for the future of mankind.
And if that doesn't work we can still throw them off a tall building.
Make 2014 'Love our nationals' year - the campaign starts now.
I tweeted my comprehensive review of the conference on 14th November, so in this blog I want to concentrate on a conference phenomenon I have become increasingly aware of over time. Namely 'nationals bashing' the fine art of criticising our national museums at each and every opportunity (at this point the conference organiser Sharon Heal breathes a big sigh of relief).
It is there, subtly, blatantly, snidely; in keynotes, workshops and practice sessions; at lunchtimes, coffee breaks and network sessions. If the subject of 'the nationals' comes up criticism is not far behind. 'They get all the money', 'they won't work with the smaller museums', 'philanthropy all goes their way', 'DCMS is only interested in the nationals', 'they couldn't care less about us' ad nauseam. This is then backed up by figures trotted out about Londoncentric funding etc. Has it not occurred to anyone that if you put the sector's best people with the best collections in the biggest city(ies) you are going to get inequality... of excellence.
Yet the nationals can't hit back and state the bleeding obvious to the rest of us. This is because they represent and are symbolic of our nation. I now need to narrow down my hypothesis. Last year in Scotland the talk around 'national' was dominated by 'nationalism' and the 'Scottish question'. I imagine a different dynamic next year in Wales, but in England there is no National Museum of England and England is the subject from now on.
The strong cannot criticise the weak, the wealthy the poor, the best collection the worst collection. It comes across as arrogance and panders to the very perception that you are being criticised for. The obvious comparison to draw is that of the arch criminal in a Hollywood blockbuster movie. The criminal is well educated, refined, wealthy, speaks with received pronunciation and is usually to be found in his (v. rarely her) lair surrounded by priceless artefacts exhibiting taste and culture. In other words the very epitome of a national museum director. Added to that is the scheming, the ruthlessness, the sacrifice of everything and everybody for personal gain - again the very epitome of a national museum director. The iconic archetype is Alan Rickman in Die Hard (1988) - the clues are all there that he is a museum director. The film makers try to throw you off the scent by calling him Hans Gruber - 'grubby hands?' as in 'get your grubby hands off my collection' - the message could not be more obvious. And what does Hans Gruber do? He seems to be able to fund a well staffed and well equipped army of combat curators determined to get private sector sponsorship and if not then to stop at nothing to take the money anyway.
Only the downtrodden underfunded small regional independent McLane Teddy Bear Museum is there to stop him - in other words a cowboy playing at being a museum. So how does Hollywood solve the problem and create a Leninist museum utopia of equality? Answer - throw the museum director off the top of a very tall building.
Now I am not advocating that we find the tallest building in Cardiff next year and start chucking the directors off the top (although I would quite like to throw Sandy Nairne, the Director of the National Portrait Gallery, off simply because half way down I think he will unfurl his bat wings and soar skywards laughing manically - or is it just me that thinks that?).
Can I make a pitch now to the MA for my talk next year's conference, 'The Die Hard Effect: how Hollywood is to blame for the poor staff morale in UK museums.'
The solution is to simply work through and then beyond these perceptions at the beginning of the conference. We should literally pillory any and all members of staff from a national museum (I am sure there are plenty of regional museums willing to lend them). The short term satisfaction of throwing rotten vegetables at David Roth shouting, "Yippee-ki-yay V&A!" is soon assuaged and proper English guilt will kick in and numerous apologies exchanged. The resulting dialogue over a cup of tea will commence and an understanding will soon emerge that we are all in the same boat working towards the same purpose to make the world a more educated and cultured place for the future of mankind.
And if that doesn't work we can still throw them off a tall building.
Make 2014 'Love our nationals' year - the campaign starts now.
Saturday, 9 November 2013
Iffy
If you can keep your collections when museums around you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on budget cuts,
If you can trust your staff when the board doubts you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can accession and not be tired by the backlog,
Or being loaned an item, don't deal in valuations,
Or being dated, don't give way to dating,
And yet don't display too well, nor label too wise:
Are losing theirs and blaming it on budget cuts,
If you can trust your staff when the board doubts you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can accession and not be tired by the backlog,
Or being loaned an item, don't deal in valuations,
Or being dated, don't give way to dating,
And yet don't display too well, nor label too wise:
If you can budget - and not make grants your master,
If you can drink - and not make alcoholism your aim;
If you can display a Triumph and Bentley
And treat those two cars just the same;
If you can bear to re-read the panel you've written
Criticised by the public who are a rod for your back,
Or watch exhibits you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can drink - and not make alcoholism your aim;
If you can display a Triumph and Bentley
And treat those two cars just the same;
If you can bear to re-read the panel you've written
Criticised by the public who are a rod for your back,
Or watch exhibits you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make a major bid for your museum
And risk it all on one turn of HLF funding,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about it to your boss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your public long after closing time,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Go home!"
And risk it all on one turn of HLF funding,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about it to your boss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your public long after closing time,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Go home!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your sanity,
Or walk with councillors - nor lose the common touch,
If neither board nor friends groups can hurt you,
If all men work with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Museum and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Curator, my son!
Or walk with councillors - nor lose the common touch,
If neither board nor friends groups can hurt you,
If all men work with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Museum and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Curator, my son!
Rudyard Unreason (1865-?)
Friday, 8 November 2013
MA Conference and Pictures of Car Parking Spaces
I am preparing myself physically, mentally and spiritually for the upcoming Museums Association Conference in Liverpool. The MA has unsurprisingly not replied to my offer to be the blog of record for the conference. I will nonetheless tell it like it is for those need to know. I regard it as my public duty to the world's museums.
At the conference itself I am particularly curious to find out more about the MA's new strategy document. I think it encourages museums to hold 1970s themed 'swinging' parties and is called Museums Change Wives.
In the meantime here are some pictures of car parking spaces.
A renaissance inspired cubed square space
The great mystery here is: why is the number more heavily eroded than the bordering lines?
The designer here was clearly an American Football fan
A proper man-size space - alas restricted to coaches only
natural and festive - a delight for any car to park in
I'm not sure what to make of this duplicated message - who needs the reminder?
My favourite type of space - a little corner of a car park I can call home
A disused space?
Some proper effort has gone into the design of this one - disciplined segregation through design
Anarchically undifferentiated car parking space comprising sensuously geological material in the heart of England
See you all at the conference, I'll be the one with a moustache.
At the conference itself I am particularly curious to find out more about the MA's new strategy document. I think it encourages museums to hold 1970s themed 'swinging' parties and is called Museums Change Wives.
In the meantime here are some pictures of car parking spaces.
A renaissance inspired cubed square space
The great mystery here is: why is the number more heavily eroded than the bordering lines?
The designer here was clearly an American Football fan
A proper man-size space - alas restricted to coaches only
natural and festive - a delight for any car to park in
I'm not sure what to make of this duplicated message - who needs the reminder?
My favourite type of space - a little corner of a car park I can call home
A disused space?
Some proper effort has gone into the design of this one - disciplined segregation through design
Anarchically undifferentiated car parking space comprising sensuously geological material in the heart of England
See you all at the conference, I'll be the one with a moustache.
Thursday, 7 November 2013
Happy Upbeat Quotes
One of the modest reasons for this blog was to change the world into a better, happier place.
It seems after four years that this might be beginning to happen.
Regular readers of the blog will recognise this image
I used it to illustrate the true meaning of life, but used a quote from Wittgenstein as the title, "I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves"
And yet on a Seivo search engine this image popped up under a search for 'happy upbeat quotes'.
http://seivo.com/index.php?page=search/images&search=happy%20upbeat%20quotes&type=images
My first thought was that if Wittgenstein was their idea of a happy quote then I would be reluctant to search for 'miserable unhappy quotes' on that particular search engine.
BUT, it is only the image that is displayed. In other words the car park itself is the quote. AND it is a happy upbeat one. That makes me happy and hopefully there are people parking their cars all over the world with smiles on their faces.
At last I am beginning to think my work may be done. Another of my reasons for the blog is to develop the appreciation of car parking spaces as heritage and art. Work is still to be done in this respect, but the moment I find an artwork concentrating purely on the car park space as its focus - then I will die a happy blogger.
It seems after four years that this might be beginning to happen.
Regular readers of the blog will recognise this image
I used it to illustrate the true meaning of life, but used a quote from Wittgenstein as the title, "I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves"
And yet on a Seivo search engine this image popped up under a search for 'happy upbeat quotes'.
http://seivo.com/index.php?page=search/images&search=happy%20upbeat%20quotes&type=images
My first thought was that if Wittgenstein was their idea of a happy quote then I would be reluctant to search for 'miserable unhappy quotes' on that particular search engine.
BUT, it is only the image that is displayed. In other words the car park itself is the quote. AND it is a happy upbeat one. That makes me happy and hopefully there are people parking their cars all over the world with smiles on their faces.
At last I am beginning to think my work may be done. Another of my reasons for the blog is to develop the appreciation of car parking spaces as heritage and art. Work is still to be done in this respect, but the moment I find an artwork concentrating purely on the car park space as its focus - then I will die a happy blogger.
Saturday, 2 November 2013
Great British Programme Museums
The British Government has decided to gamble the nation's future tourist income on promoting museums based on popular TV programmes that have gone down well abroad (well America at least). Less wealthy tourists have no place liking British popular culture and therefore are ignored. But are the museums any good? The Museum of Unreason casts a critical eye over them.
1. Top Gear Museum - popular everywhere except France (something in itself worthy of celebration)
The museum was built 10 years ago, even so it has seen very little change and the displays themselves remain minimal. It is open regularly with events liberally spaced throughout the year, but what do you actually get? Patrons are faced with prospect of standing around in an empty warehouse being abused by some badly dressed costumed interpreters. You have to question their volunteer recruitment policy as the museum seems to be exclusively populated by xenophobic middle aged men. Of the few cars on show visitors are only allowed to touch the reasonably priced one. The do it yourself car making events are original and inventive but lack the important ingredient of audience participation.
1. Top Gear Museum - popular everywhere except France (something in itself worthy of celebration)
The museum was built 10 years ago, even so it has seen very little change and the displays themselves remain minimal. It is open regularly with events liberally spaced throughout the year, but what do you actually get? Patrons are faced with prospect of standing around in an empty warehouse being abused by some badly dressed costumed interpreters. You have to question their volunteer recruitment policy as the museum seems to be exclusively populated by xenophobic middle aged men. Of the few cars on show visitors are only allowed to touch the reasonably priced one. The do it yourself car making events are original and inventive but lack the important ingredient of audience participation.
In the end it is a museum that manages to proclaim British ingenuity and superiority whilst demonstrating the exact opposite and in the process offending everyone. A difficult achievement that we can all learn from.
3. Downton Abbey Museum - more tea vicar?
A recent museum, it just seems like its been around for a hundred years. Following the National Trust country house heritage template (5 million members can't be wrong - well they can but that is a matter for another blog) with an interpretive strategy of '..the clock stopped'. Cynics suggest that they have just forgotten that clocks need winding up occasionally.
4. Sherlock Museum - the footprints of a gigantic ....museum?
A modern redevelopment of an old museum set at the same location in West London. The downside is that it is only open for 3 days a year for an hour and a half. This means, inevitably, that you have to queue. It uses the traditional room setting in the Downton Abbey manner but much much smaller and only comfortable for a handful of people at a time. The real problem is the simplistic interpretation which just leaves clues forcing the visitor to try and work it out themselves - baffling. At least Sudoku fans should enjoy it. The occasional violin music give me a headache fortunately the museum cafe sells opium laced cream teas to ease the pain.
Given that the museum states ,"True deduction can only be obtained through a certain amount of self annihilation" I came away suitably diminished, certain in the knowledge that if I opened my mouth I would, "lower the IQ of the whole street". Entertaining? Yes. Confusing? Possibly. Interpretive style? Elementary.
3 stars
5. The Office Museum - the second best museum in Slough
A slice of industrial heritage, celebrating the great British paper industry. Sadly it hasn't been updated in over 10 years. However, the museum itself successfully explores the 'back office' function through its social and professional relationships. Less glamorous than our country house heritage but nonetheless just as important. It gives an excellent insight into the collapse of British manufacturing base through egoistic incompetence (n.b. all politicians should visit). As Gareth points out;
"I did learn a lot from David. I learnt from his mistakes. We're very different people; he used humour where I use discipline. And I learnt that nobody respects him. And in a war situation, if you want your platoon to go over the top with you to certain death, it's no good saying to them "Please come with me lads, I'll tell you a joke." It's a direct order "Come with me." And they'll go "Yes, he's got good leadership skills, let's all go with him to our certain death".
Wise words we can all benefit from.
I leave the final words to Jeremy Clarkson himself, "It was rubbish when it was new, it was built by idiots, and it's rubbish now...you avoid it like you would avoid unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite."
1 star
2. Dr. Who Museum - the longest running (i.e. interminable) science fiction show in the Universe
This museum has been going for 50 years, although it is often forgotten that it actually closed down for over 10 years before a HLF grant greatly improved the graphics and displays to bring it back to life. As a result it is now and more popular than ever, but what is the visitor experience like? Well, inside it is much larger than you would expect. In fact, according to the other-worldly manager of the museum, "It's vast complicated and ridiculous." That is no exaggeration; there is so much to see, but the major drawback is that there is no logic to the visitor route - the chronology is all over the place. And what is it with the museum guides? They have a disconcerting tendency to change (sometimes in mid sentence) into completely different characters - confusing.
2. Dr. Who Museum - the longest running (i.e. interminable) science fiction show in the Universe
This museum has been going for 50 years, although it is often forgotten that it actually closed down for over 10 years before a HLF grant greatly improved the graphics and displays to bring it back to life. As a result it is now and more popular than ever, but what is the visitor experience like? Well, inside it is much larger than you would expect. In fact, according to the other-worldly manager of the museum, "It's vast complicated and ridiculous." That is no exaggeration; there is so much to see, but the major drawback is that there is no logic to the visitor route - the chronology is all over the place. And what is it with the museum guides? They have a disconcerting tendency to change (sometimes in mid sentence) into completely different characters - confusing.
If you are intent on visiting, what is the best advice? "Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. Don't turn your back. Don't look away. And don't blink.” Not recommended for narcoleptics.
3 stars
3. Downton Abbey Museum - more tea vicar?
A recent museum, it just seems like its been around for a hundred years. Following the National Trust country house heritage template (5 million members can't be wrong - well they can but that is a matter for another blog) with an interpretive strategy of '..the clock stopped'. Cynics suggest that they have just forgotten that clocks need winding up occasionally.
Visitors get the traditional room settings and a complete set of servants quarters (National Trust take note). The downside is that the servants quarters are actually fake and 60 miles away in London. I therefore recommend you buy the 1 day pass.
Simon Schama described the museum as 'cultural necrophilia' - wrong! I can recommend many other museums (try Guanajuato's El Museo De Las Momias for example) offering better examples of that for dear Simon. It is not cultural necrophilia as it is something very much alive, breathing quietly in a corner and offering restraint, dignity and manners. This museum offers a comfortable certainty (allowing for the odd liner sinking and World War) in a world of uncomfortable uncertainty. Is it cultural? It is certainly cultured; perhaps it's culturally uncultured culture; and therein lies its appeal - a pretty pretentious soap opera augmented by the auratic gaze of nostalgic traditionalism. Perfect.
This museum is unsinkable - so what is its future? The noble Lord Grantham himself said, "..every ship is unsinkable until it sinks."
Simon Schama described the museum as 'cultural necrophilia' - wrong! I can recommend many other museums (try Guanajuato's El Museo De Las Momias for example) offering better examples of that for dear Simon. It is not cultural necrophilia as it is something very much alive, breathing quietly in a corner and offering restraint, dignity and manners. This museum offers a comfortable certainty (allowing for the odd liner sinking and World War) in a world of uncomfortable uncertainty. Is it cultural? It is certainly cultured; perhaps it's culturally uncultured culture; and therein lies its appeal - a pretty pretentious soap opera augmented by the auratic gaze of nostalgic traditionalism. Perfect.
This museum is unsinkable - so what is its future? The noble Lord Grantham himself said, "..every ship is unsinkable until it sinks."
5 stars
4. Sherlock Museum - the footprints of a gigantic ....museum?
A modern redevelopment of an old museum set at the same location in West London. The downside is that it is only open for 3 days a year for an hour and a half. This means, inevitably, that you have to queue. It uses the traditional room setting in the Downton Abbey manner but much much smaller and only comfortable for a handful of people at a time. The real problem is the simplistic interpretation which just leaves clues forcing the visitor to try and work it out themselves - baffling. At least Sudoku fans should enjoy it. The occasional violin music give me a headache fortunately the museum cafe sells opium laced cream teas to ease the pain.
Given that the museum states ,"True deduction can only be obtained through a certain amount of self annihilation" I came away suitably diminished, certain in the knowledge that if I opened my mouth I would, "lower the IQ of the whole street". Entertaining? Yes. Confusing? Possibly. Interpretive style? Elementary.
3 stars
5. The Office Museum - the second best museum in Slough
A slice of industrial heritage, celebrating the great British paper industry. Sadly it hasn't been updated in over 10 years. However, the museum itself successfully explores the 'back office' function through its social and professional relationships. Less glamorous than our country house heritage but nonetheless just as important. It gives an excellent insight into the collapse of British manufacturing base through egoistic incompetence (n.b. all politicians should visit). As Gareth points out;
"I did learn a lot from David. I learnt from his mistakes. We're very different people; he used humour where I use discipline. And I learnt that nobody respects him. And in a war situation, if you want your platoon to go over the top with you to certain death, it's no good saying to them "Please come with me lads, I'll tell you a joke." It's a direct order "Come with me." And they'll go "Yes, he's got good leadership skills, let's all go with him to our certain death".
Wise words we can all benefit from.
If a museum's strength is that it enables us to learn from the past, in the hope that we can apply the lessons to the future, then The Office Museum is ideal learning material because it didn't last long before closing down, transferring to America to gain long-running success.
For the British economic delusion in a nutshell I leave the last words to David Brent, " I'm sure Texas couldn't run and manage a successful paper merchants."
4 stars
For the British economic delusion in a nutshell I leave the last words to David Brent, " I'm sure Texas couldn't run and manage a successful paper merchants."
4 stars
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